JAWS 3-D (1983)
"It was a shark. It was a shark with a bite radius about a yard across." "Don't be silly. That would indicate a shark of some 35 feet in length..."
Mike Brody is all grown up now and working at SeaWorld, he helps build the parks and his girlfriend, Kay, is the senior marine biologist. One day while preparing for a celebration, a group of water skiers accidentally let in a baby great white shark without realizing into the sea world lagoon from the ocean. The dolphins are terrified but no one knows why so one of the assistants dives into the water to fix the gates, thinking that might be the problem. While he's down there he's killed by the baby shark.
The next day the park finds out about the assistant's disappearance and so they take the SeaWorld submarine (cause that's a thing right?) down under the lagoon to look for him. During the search they find the baby shark and get excited. They want to capture it and have it in the park to be the first sea park ever to house a great white. The shark is eventually captured by Kay and a weird British hunter who I still don't really understand why he's there and Kay and her staff nurse it back to health. But unfortunately the lil' baby dies.
When they finally find the assistant's corpse they see bite marks on him and Kay realizes that the baby shark was too small to do this much damage which means the mother shark must be in the park somewhere......
Alright...what did I love about this movie?
- BABY DENNIS QUAID!!!!!
- I like that this story focuses on the brothers as adults and although I don't really understand what Sean does except wear cowboy boots, it was nice to see him.
- Those 3-D effects were so awful and dated but it made the movie EVEN BETTER.
- The dolphins rescuing them from the baby shark were super cute.
- The slow motion glass shattering at the end for ultimate 3-D effect had me cackling and the final shark explosion was bad ass. How many sharks are they gonna explode though? These are close to becoming endangered animals you bastards!
- Not gonna lie....I cried a bit at the end when the sun was setting and everyone was safe and the dolphins were jumping around. Pretty emotional. I'm also in the midst of a total stress breakdown so that might be to blame.
- You're telling me that this man, Mike Brody, who has now been apart of TWO SHARK EPISODES including one where he almost died, sees a shark under water and his response is to yell "WHAT WAS THAT, WHAT WAS THAT???" Wtf do you think it was Mike? You work in goddamn SeaWorld, I'd hope you'd know what a shark was.
- Also after watching Blackfish I was much more scared by Kay playing with the Killer Whale in the water than the shark. HE'S GONNA BITE YOUR ARM OFF KAY...
Overall?
You know what...as nuts as this one was, I actually had a tone of fun watching it. Like...it's so over the top and makes no logistical sense and literally jumps the shark but I'm on board?
I mean what can I really say? There's nothing here to digest or talk about it really. It's another Jaws sequel, this time it's in 3D and this time there's two sharks. I wish so badly I could see this in theaters in 3D to really experience the glory of this very typical 80's movie.
I loved it, in a cheesey this is a good way to pass the time on a rainy day kind of way. Also I'm a sucker for Denis Quaid. Also did Deep Blue Sea steal a lot of scenes from this movie? You know it.
7/10
In personal news...tomorrow is my Halloween party costume contest jeopardy pizza candy extravaganza at work and I've finally put together my Negan costume...
Pissing our pants yet? Boy, do I have a feeling we're getting close. It's gonna be pee-pee pants city here real soon.
Also I tried to find my fake axe in my trunk of fake weapons and IT'S MISSING!! Because did anyone else notice by the time Negan was dragging Rick into the RV, Negan had shoved a gun and an axe in his pants...like...chill bud? Anyways, I shoved a fake knife in my pants instead cause I'm sure Negan had one of those in there anyway.
Stay Spooky!
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