Where I finally watch The Pyramid

Yeah, yeah, it's not on my list. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was on last years' list. BUT...I'm the only one at work today for a few hours so I've set up camp in the kitchen where the TV + Netflix is and with only access to Netflix Canada, I have chosen to watch The Pyramid. At 8:15am. Alone. On New Year's  Eve. My life gets so angsty sometimes.

Note I'm only paying half attention because I am actually working.

But backstory, that no one asked for - I was not a high achiever in school. I got that I had to be there, and I worked to pass, but it wasn't until we began to study Ancient Egypt and its' Gods and the Mummies and the pyramids, that I finally discovered that great feeling of a thirst for knowledge. I poured over books reading about all of this fascinating lore and history, going above and beyond what was asked of me in class. My interest for Ancient Egyptian history never waned. And when The Mummy came out when I was junior high, I went nuts for it. I was convinced I would be an archeologist and dig up dinosaurs (I also loved Jurassic Park) and Mummies. Clearly, since I'm not blogging from a dig site right now, I did not achieve that dream.

So when I saw a trailer for The Pyramid - a found footage horror film about a group of archeologists who discover a three sided pyramid buried in the sand - I felt that excitement in my belly. And that poster!!!! It's a great poster. But I have kept putting it off and putting it off. It's been on my 'to-watch' list since the first time I saw the trailer. And I think I've been putting it off because I know it won't be that great. And as the reviews came in and I saw lots of 2/5 stars, I knew the truth.

BUT, as I always say, I like to form my own opinion from actually watching this shit - so here we are.

The Pyramid came out in 2014 and was directed by Gregory Levasseur. The plot of the film revolves around an archaeological team who, during the Egyptian protests in 2013, discover a three sided pyramid buried in the desert. They discover a tunnel but when it's opened, a poisonous gas is released, killing a worker. The team is then ordered to leave the site because of the uprising in Giza but the team are unwilling to give up what they've worked so hard to find. They send a remote controlled robot into the pyramid to survey but soon after entering, the robot is attacked by something and goes offline. This leaves the team nothing to do but enter themselves....because horror movie.

(spoilers going forward)

It stars Ashley Hinshaw (Gossip Girl), Denis O'Hare (American Horror Story: Freakshow), and James Buckley (The Inbetweeners)

This is one of those infuriating found footage films where most of it doesn't make any sense as to why they're filming, or how they're being filmed. And it does sometimes take you out of the film because you're suddenly thinking...wait...how is that camera angle possible? does this ancient pyramid have security cameras already inside? what?

The group, once inside the pyramid, fall apart pretty quickly. They all start bickering right away which is a bit annoying. Like, ya'll chill, take a second, you're inside a pyramid that's never been discovered, get some perspective.
The pyramid starts collapsing as the group gets hopelessly lost and then they all fall into a room basically full of feces. Which they blame on a dog trapped inside, which according to this group of educated individuals, also attacked their robot. Cause dogs live to be 5000 years old. Then a giant piece of the ceiling falls on Michael, which is kind of a relief, because he was kind of a dick.

Sunni, the camera woman/interviewer, finds a hole in the ceiling and decides to climb up it because they need to escape obviously. Then, what can only be described as one of those naked cat things but like...giant...attacks her face. This group of university graduates all still believe it is a dog. This 5000 year old dog which has now managed to destroy their robot, fill a room with shit, and stalk this group through a pyramid that has been sealed for god knows how long.

Reading the hieroglyphics on the wall, they discover a tunnel leading out of the shit room and after more bickering, they decide to take it. They leave Michael behind, who btw survived the giant rock hitting him but is basically stuck beneath it.

Once they get through to the next tunnel shit basically hits the fan. There's a creature coming at them from all angles. And so they decide to turn off all the lights, because even though this creature has lived in the pitch black for 5000 years, it's safe to assume it can't see in the dark....right?

After a bunch of awesome booby traps are set off, Sunni falls into a pit, because she's just full of bad luck today. AND THEN THOSE NAKED CATS START EATING HER. It was amazing. Like, my favorite part of the film so far. At least this group finally figured out it wasn't a dog.

Now that there's only three left, they're all starting to get very sick. They discover a dead body with a freemason ring on. CONSPIRACYYYYYY.
Then there's this gnarly scene where the lead archeologist is standing there talking and all of a sudden a fucking hand just punches through his chest and there's blood everywhere. It was so bad ass. And then you hear all these like...Mummy roars? Which are actually quite spooky.

Then you get to see the Mummy and although it's super CGI it's actually pretty sick because it's NOT A MUMMY. It's some sort of giant cat creature. But, it's actually Anubis!!!!!! ANUBIS YOU GUYS!!! Anubis was the protector of the graves in ancient Egypt and was also an embalmer. He was lord of the underworld until he was replaced by Osiris. Anubis was known to usher souls into the afterlife by attending the "Weighing of the Heart" which determined whether a soul would be allowed to enter the realm of the dead. HE'S SO COOL!

They actually do a pretty cool job of what it looks like. Even though it's clearly CG, it doesn't pull you out of the story. It's still creepy as fuck. And anyway, this just means the final two are fucked. Of course, when you finally see Anubis up close and personal. It looks awful. It looks like Scooby Doo looked in those live action films.

Anyway, Anubis and the last standing lady face off. The young lady escapes but is basically dying. A small white child (because there's a lot of those wandering around the Egyptian desert) finds her but SURPRISE Anubis snatches the child and the movie ends.

Was it great? No. Was it fun? Kind of. Will I watch it again? Yes.
This pulled on my history strings (even though none of this is accurate) and I didn't hate it or feel super disappointed.

5/10

Alright,
It's New Year's Eve! I'm actually leaving the house this evening maybe so that will be coooooool. Then on Saturday I fly home to Calgary to see my folks.

Keep watching horror movies!
And stay spooky!

(never forget)

PA: The Ghost Dimension - why it sucks, but why I still love the franchise

First off - major complains about The Ghost Dimension:

• It's way too dark (more than usual)
• It's way too blurry (more so than usual)
• I spent the whole time going WHAT'S HAPPENING WHERE ARE WE
• There's just too many "twist and turns" that don't work

The Ghost Dimension is the end to a long franchise that includes 6 films. It came out this October in 3D and was directed by Gregory Plotkin. Plotkin was the editor of the last four PA films but this is his first foray into directing.

Paranormal Activity was, of course, not the first found footage film, but is one of the greats. It helped cement the idea that you can make a horror movie for very little money and bring in a ginormous profit with a good ad campaign. And Paranormal Activity was scary. It was unpredictable and jumpy and haunting. The story was nothing special but you didn't really care because you had so much fun watching it. Inevitably there were sequels, the second being set a few weeks before the first film, the third being set in 1988 when our lead characters were little girls, and the fourth being set after the events of the first two films.

Then came The Marked Ones which was a breath of fresh air into the series and the story itself. And now finally we have The Ghost Dimension. Which is just sad. It's like the creators just gave up and pulled ideas out of a hat. "yeah, that makes sense, go with that one".
The Marked Ones, in my opinion, brought a new hope to the series and made the storyline so exciting. It spoke deeply about the cult that surrounded all of these movies and stories and it had some really creepy shots. Think, sticking a camera down a vent into an apartment only to find a creepy naked woman doing some sort of ritual.

But Ghost Dimension destroyed all of that. It follows a new family who have moved into a new house. There's a father, mother, young daughter, the uncle, and a friend. Of course, more of the same happens - child acts weird, spooky stuff happens around the house. The father finds a box with an old video camera in it and tapes. The camera, it turns out, can see ghosts. And the tapes are of the Midwives cult. Sure, some questions are answered, but it's all a bit underwhelming. Even the scares are boring and overused and completely lacking. The beauty of Paranormal Activity was sitting there watching an empty bedroom for two minutes just losing your mind knowing something would happen but not when. And of course, you expect people in horror movies to be dumb, but these people are just infuriating.

Although Ghost Dimension is lacking, I don't want it to damper the franchise itself. Paranormal Activity had a great run. It was unique, scary, and super fun to watch. The Marked Ones is a wonderful horror film that brought something unique to the genre and the franchise. I think what happened was they set themselves up too much. The story got too big with all the jumping back and forth between timelines and houses and children. They lost themselves. But all of the movies are great standalones and I don't think we should discredit the franchise for a few bad ones. It's just natural to have some stinkers! Not every franchise has a perfect lineup. So, don't give up on PA, and keep watching the original few movies and enjoy them for what they are, not for what they're leading up to.

So, a disappointing end to a franchise. Guess now we'll just look for the inevitable "re-boots" and "re-makes" in a few years.

4/10

Stay Spooky!

New Year Watch List aka catching up from 2015

 

To-watch list: 
aka I'm cleaning out my itunes wishlist to make room for all the new and exciting horror movies we'll hopefully get in 2016.

Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension
I'm a sucker for the Paranormal Activity movies and so of course this is on my list. It's the end to it all. And although I'm sure there will be a billion unanswered questions and a bunch of open endings, I'm still willing to put myself through this probable mess so I can complete the story.
Also, this is the worst title ever.

Hellions
Saw the trailer on itunes, was attracted by the poster, it's a Canadian film, it looks trippy as hell, it was well liked at sundance etc etc.

Poltergeist
(the re-make)
I have no hopes for this. Like actual 0 hopes. The trailers made me annoyed, I hated the idea of this film even happening, I've read some pretty awful reviews. BUT I'm a strong believer in watching shit myself and forming my own opinion. Even if I'm just proving myself right.

Satan Lives
A documentary by Sam Dunn and Scot MacFadyen who decide to take a look at faith, fear and the cultural obsession with the devil. I love a good documentary. I don't believe in Satan. But I love watching crazy religious people try and defend their beliefs. Think Jesus Camp.

Man Vs
Attracted by the poster and the little blurb on itunes. Seems like a guy who has one of those discovery channel type shows goes off into the wilderness to film ends up finding something alien like or supernatural or who knows. A mix of found footage and regular film. Could be good. I do love a good nature horror film. Remember my orgasm over Backcountry back in October? 

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse 
Heard a tone about this film, it was advertised all over the place. Looks just like a horror comedy much like Cooties. Could suck, could fall flat, could be a joy to watch like Final Girls. I'll find out!

The Visit
Despite the shit I get for it - I have never given up on M. Night Shyamalamadingdong. I am constantly rooting for this guy. I mean, I've watched The Happening more than once. So his new film is something I have faith in. Regardless of all the terrible reviews I've had whispered in my ear, I am here for Shyamalan and maybe I'll be the only one that likes it. Out of pity.

The Vatican Tapes
Why do I keep thinking that these never-ending exorcist films will be good? I have no idea. But I love watching/reading about demons and I keep hoping one of these films will be bearable. And every like ten shitty ones I find a good one. So I'm addicted.

Knock Knock
Directed by Eli Roth so I'm already game. Love Roth, love his passion for horror, and love the idea of this film. Two crazy ladies tormenting Keanu Reeves. Sign me the fuck up.

Tales of Halloween
A new anthology film with ten short films revolving around Halloween night. I heard a lot of hype about this collection and the trailer looked exciting so I'm ready to re-live Halloween in December (or January depending on when I get around to it).

The Hive 
This didn't appeal to me. But I am so damn loyal to Nerdist and this is their first dabbling into horror films. I love that they're willing to support independent horror and so I also want to support their support. But hey, maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised. But at least I won't feel guilty.

A Christmas Horror Story
Another anthology film - this time surrounding Christmas....so....yeah.

The Green Inferno
Again, Eli Roth. Cannibals. I almost threw up watching the exclusive clip of the eye scene. I won't say anymore. I NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE!

I also still need to watch Cub and The Boy which got slashed from my 31 days of horror list but I'm still dying to watch.

I did a list like this last year around this same time and I managed to make it pretty far through the list pretty quickly. So I'm hoping for the same enthusiasm from myself this time around. After two months of no horror films, I'm craving something good and horrifying. I also need to choose one of these for my airplane ride, because I love when nosy seat neighbors look over and regret doing so when on your screen are people getting violently murdered. 

'Till next time. I've got some movies to watch!
Stay Spooky

We're talking horror comics!! Give me your recommendations!

Let's talk horror comics!

I'm a big comic nerd, my only problem being I suck at keeping track of them all. I've probably read 100's of #1's and then forgotten to continue with the rest of the series. But for Christmas from my amazing family in England I received a substantial gift card to amazon so I'm buying a tone of Volume 1 + of comics to round out the stories and my collection. 

I love Marvel comics of course, the Star Wars series and spin offs are great, especially the Princess Leia story line. I also love Ms. Marvel, Loki Agent of Asgard, and the new female Thor story line. 
I'm also head over heels in love with the new reboot Archie comics which are being created by Mark Waid and Fiona Staples (known for another amazing comic series - Saga). 
But what I love most are horror comics. Some of my favorites are The Walking Dead (I gave up on the show by the way, just kept reading the comics), The Strain, and Revival. 

So since I'm about to spend some money like crazy on Amazon, let's talk about the comics I'm picking out and why you should be reading them too. And if you've got any recommendations, put them in the comments!

OUTCAST 

Written by Robert Kirkman (The Walking Dead) and drawn by Paul Azaceta 

 

It's a supernatural horror story that tells the tale of Kyle Barnes. Kyle's life has been destroyed by his loved ones being involved in demonic possession. But when he meets a reverend who believes in demons and believes himself to have been possessed at one point, the two of them set out to unveil what lies behind the demonic manifestations he keeps encountering. The first issue (which I have read) was published in 2014 by Image Comics.

So far it looks like there has been 14 issues released and two volumes. I've ordered volume one (issues 1- 6) and cannot WAIT to read it. I love Kirkman's writing style and the complexity with which he writes his stories. And the art work is gorgeous and creepy.

HARROW COUNTY

Written by Cullen Bunn and drawn by Tyler Crook

Originally a serialized prose story called Countless Haints and released on Bunn's website, it ran for ten chapters before it ended. Then later it was made into an ongoing comic with Crook coming on board. It's published by Dark Horse Comics and currently has 8 issues and one volume (which I have purchased) which includes the first 4 issues. 

The comic tells the story of Emmy who lives on a farm with her father next to dark mysterious woods where back in the day a town witch was hung, shot and burnt. On the eve of her 18th birthday, Emmy discovers she is connected to the woods and the creatures within them.

A beautifully illustrated creepy comic. The panels are truly stunning and I just love the whole feel of this story and can't wait to read the rest of it! 

iZOMBIE

Written by Chris Roberson and Michael Allred

Published by Vertigo in 2010, iZOMBIE tells the story of Gwen Dylan who is a gravedigger in Oregon. She's friends with a beautiful 1960's ghost named Ellie and a were-terrier named Scott. Gwen herself needs to eat a brain once a month to keep herself from losing memories and intelligence. So being a gravedigger makes this pretty easy for her. Except, when she consumes the brains, she takes on the deceased's thoughts.

In 2011 it was nominated for the Eisner Award for Best New Series and in 2013 it was made into a TV show for the CW. Which I have not watched yet because I want to devour the comics first!

I've read the first two issues of this story and absolutely fell in love. It's so cute and fun, and Gwen is a great lead and her rag tag group of friends are adorable. I can't wait to get into the full story and see what sort of adventures they all get into.

This series has ended at 28 issues and 4 collected volumes. I've purchased number 1 which includes issues 1 to 6. 

I've also ordered Wytches Volume 1 but I haven't read any of those yet. Stephen King likes it though and that's good enough for me.

Also I thought I'd link my Goodreads profile as I don't think I've done that yet. Feel free to add me!
Click here

Alright, 
That's it for me today! Go read more comics and stay spooky!

Making a Murderer Until Dawn ~

HELLO WORLD!

Well, the madness of Star Wars and Christmas is over and I can get back to this blog and to the horror genre.
Quick though - Star Wars The Force Awakens was everything I dreamed of and more. It changed my world. I have never cried so much in a public theater since Dobby was cruelly murdered. I was a fucking wreck when I came out of that movie. BUT it was worth the wait, it was worth the hundreds of dollars I spent on merchandise, and I can't wait to see it again in the New Year.

 

Christmas is obviously still happening - it's only Boxing Day. But Mitch and I had a great day yesterday as this is the first year in a few years that we've been able to afford gifts for each other. Also we cooked a real turkey breast! And it was incredibly stressful.

BUT what I'm really here to talk about are two things:

Until Dawn and Making a Murderer.

 

Mitch got me Until Dawn for Christmas and I spent about 6 hours playing it last night (could be more, it was all a blur) and finished the game up today with another few hours under the belt. As I type this Mitch is currently starting the story himself so we can see how different it can be.

THIS GAME IS AMAZING.

And I know I'm late to the game but my broke ass can't afford video games so bear with my lateness.

Little history:

Until Dawn is obviously a video game, it's called an "interactive drama survival horror adventure video game" which is a mouthful. Basically it's like being in a horror movie - from the safety of your couch/floor/ottoman (if you're me). It was released in August of this year and was met with an extreme love from fans and critics. It took the video game world by storm.

It is designed to be played multiple times as you make decisions quickly as the game goes along that determine the outcome of the story and characters. Each time you play should be a unique experience. It uses the "Butterfly Effect" as well which means any choice or action by you can cause unforseen consequences later on. Which usually end up being traumatic. (RIP WOLFIE - IM SO SORRY).

Some of the decisions you make are so damn moral and ethical it makes you want to puke. Like, my back got so sweaty. I was so stressed out. There's also an auto-save system that basically prevents you from reloading and trying to change a decision you made. The only way to change it would be to start all over again.

So since Until Dawn is basically a horror movie - let me give you this perfect horror movie plot:

7 friends - Sam (played by Hayden Panettiere), Mike (Brett Dalton), Chris (Noah Fleiss), Ashley (Galadriel Stineman), Emily (Nichole Bloom), Jessica (Meaghan Martin), and Matt (Jordan Fisher) are hanging out at their friend Josh (Rami Malek) and his twin sisters' cabin on Blackwood Mountain (in Alberta - hometown ya'll!!). After the friends pull a prank, embarrassing one of the twins, the two of them run off into the wilderness. But they are soon chased by something we cannot see and eventually fall to their death.
Flash forward to a year later and the 7 friends are invited back by Josh who wants to forget the tragic (still unsolved) events of the year before and just "party like porn stars" (what?). But once the 7 arrive, things get dangerous quickly. And Blackwood Mountain has a mysterious past involving mines, an insane asylum, and Native American history.

The game is divided up into chapters and in between each chapter you are met with a weird therapist who asks you all sorts of questions that then determine what will happen in the next chapter. There's an interesting segment where you are asked to choose which scares you and dumb old me answered honestly only to spend the rest of the game screaming every time a crow flew at the screen.

You guys, this game is amazing. It is just SO much fun to play, and so much fun to watch other people play. It's also terrifying! I was screaming my ass off and jumping out of my seat the entire time. It was such a thrill ride. I can't wait to play it again and see what happens next time. It really does feel like you are in a horror movie and I can't believe I waited this long to play it.

MAKING A MURDERER 

 

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past two weeks you've probably heard the uproar over Netflix's original fascinating documentary Making a Murderer. I was immediately hooked on this show because umm...ten part true crime documentary? sign me up. This is me, the same person who has watched all 6 hours of the Staircase documentary multiple times, and all of the Paradise Lost episodes over and over. So yeah, I was good to go.
BUT I was not prepared for the rage and emotion I would encounter. I started it on a Wednesday, stayed up till midnight watching the first 6 hours (which for me is unheard of on a week day) and then rushed home the next day from work to finish the final 4.

Let's back up though and I will tell you the story of Steven Avery.

SPOILERS IF YOU PLAN ON WATCHING THE DOCUMENTARY. 
If you haven't seen it yet - stop what you're doing and watch it RIGHT now.

 

Steven Avery is a man from Wisconsin who comes from the lower middle class and lives with his family on a used car lot. When he was in his 20's he was convicted for a rape he did not commit, based purely on hearsay from a bitter cousin who was married to the police chief. And so Steven spent 18 years in jail until DNA analysis proved he was not the man who had committed rape. In fact, it had been a man of the name Gregory Allen who was a known sex offender in the area. And who went on to commit a few more crimes when he should've been locked up in jail. Instead, Steven rotted away in jail, innocent.

He was released finally and began to sort out his life. He reconnected with his children, fell in love with someone new, started working for the family business, and continued on with the rest of his now free years. Steven was encouraged to file a lawsuit against the Manitowoc County for the obviously flawed police work that was conducted. The lawsuit was $36 million.

 

Now here's where it gets messy. Soon after filing the lawsuit, Avery was accused of the murder of a young woman by the name of Teresa Halbach. Why? Because he was the last person to see her alive. She visited his car lot to take photos of a van he was selling. And after that, she disappeared. Instead of the police doing what any good detective would do - looking first at the closest people to Teresa - they instead blamed Steven and banned him from his home and land. They held onto it for 8 days while they conducted some pretty shifty searches.

The car that Teresa was driving was found on Steven's land, mysteriously cleaned of all DNA evidence EXCEPT for splatters of Steven's blood in the front seats, and Teresa's blood in the trunk. Then the car key was found in Steven's bedroom, after already being thoroughly searched three times, and again - the key was wiped clean of DNA except for Steven's.

So, let's take a minute here. You killed Teresa - what's the first thing you do? Get rid of evidence. You clean the car, you don't drop car keys on the floor of your bedroom, and hey - you own one of those giant car crushers - why not just crush the car to make absolutely sure the evidence is hidden.

 

But according to the police, Steven did none of that. He committed murder and then acted like a complete idiot - leaving perfectly placed evidence all over his land. Including the findings of Teresa's burnt body remains in the fire pit right underneath his bedroom window. Oh, and in a barrel a few feet away, oh, and in a quarry a few miles away. Yeah, okay.

Then enters Brendan Dassey - Steven's unintelligent young nephew who a few weeks after all of this is pulled out of his class, interrogated without a parent present, and basically coerced into admitting this murder happened and in fact, Brendan helped! According to Brendan's statements, the two of them murdered Teresa violently in Steven's bedroom and then burnt her body in the fire pit. Which....none of that makes any sense when you look at the evidence.

And so, Steven and Brendan are sentenced to prison for a murder neither of them committed, based on minimal evidence and obviously coerced interrogations.

 

The show plays out the history, the crime scene, and the trial itself. It's an absolutely beautiful piece of documentary work and regardless of where you stand on all of this, it is addictive to watch it all play out. I've been aggressively recommending it to everyone. And spending hours online researching it and yelling about it all. It reminds me SO much of the West Memphis Three case.

I implore you to go watch this amazing and beautiful show and form your own opinion.

Alright, that's pretty much all from me for now. Headed to Calgary next weekend to see the family and then I'll be back into watching horror movies and reading horror novels and updating this bad boy.

Quick news before I go:

WE'RE GETTING A NEW MEMBER OF OUR FAMILY!!!!
And no, I'm not pregnant.
We're getting a second fur baby. His name is Obie and we are re-homing him from Oprah who is just not in the best situation to keep him right now. So Tony is getting a baby brother and he will be here in February. I can't freakin' wait.
Look at this adorable mug:



He is going to destroy me.

Stay spooky ya'll!