HORROR MOVIE NEWS OF THE WEEK

But not necessarily "this week" because I'm always behind on this shit when it comes to updating my blog. So let's go with....HORROR MOVIE NEWS I'M SUPER DUPER EXCITED ABOUT!

What child doesn't remember reading Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark? It was like we were finally given really truly scary stories that didn't treat us like babies. I still find myself reading some of the stories now as an adult. And although they don't scare me, I can sit there going, man these were some fucked up things to be reading. Ya'll remember click click slide? That one gave me the major night terrors. And the gorgeous illustrations brought real horrific images to go along with us as we closed our eyes at night. All I want is a bunch of them framed in my home. I could probably manage that if I put a bit of effort into them. I'm going to go hunt down the books on amazon....

Anyway, the reason I'm rambling on about them is because one of my favorite directors of all time who may have also been cursed by a gypsy because he has the worst luck ever (I still believe in you Pacific Rim 2) is working with CBS Films to develop these stories into a film. Guillermo del Toro has once again come to save the day and flip my world upside down.

Guillermo tweeted this great pic the other day confirming the too good to be true news:

"I start development on a film based on a favorite book of youth: Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark!"

Thank you, kind Prince, for giving us the horror we deserve.
The books first came out in 1984 and were quickly banned for being "too scary". They were written by Alvin Schwartz and illustrated by Stephen Gammell. They came in a trilogy; Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, More Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, and Scary Stories 3: The Ghost Dimension (jk...More Tales to Chill Your Bones).

If you read this blog, you know my love for Kevin Smith goes deep and untainted. He can do no wrong in my eyes and I make no apologies for my love for him. So if you feel the need to bitch about Kevin Smith to me, just move along. You'll never change my mind. In fact, me and Mitch are going to ask him to officiate our wedding in the future. That's how much of a Kevin Smith fan I am.

Sundance was this weekend and fat Kev Smith released upon the world (of Utah) his new movie Yoga Hosers. Which is the second film in his True North Trilogy (up next is Moose Jaws). It stars his gorgeous daughter Harley Quinn and Johnny Depp's daughter Lily-Rose Depp. Remember those two cuties? They played clerks in Tusk? Well they've got their own spin off movie. Colleen and Colleen are two teenagers from Winnipeg who get invited to a senior party by the hottest guy at school but the Colleens accidentally uncover an ancient evil buried beneath the convenience store where they work and plans go out the window.

Kev said he wanted to write this movie for 16 year old girls, who needed heroes they could relate to. Which I think is damn sweet. It stars Michael Parks, Justin Long, Haley Joel Osment and Genesis Rodriquez who were all in the first movie, Tusk. It also stars Ralph Garman and Tony Hale and many more (including Johnny Depp). Oh, and of course Jason Mewes is in it. Snootch to the booooootch.

We still don't have a trailer, but we do have a clip, and it's over the top goodness that I expect from Kevin Smith. Youtube won't let me embed for some reason so just CLICK HERE

Next up is the very recent news that Fox has ordered a pilot for The Exorcist based on the novel by William Blatty (which I read last year, and if you delve deep enough on here you could probably find a review, but spoiler alert....it was awesome and you should read it). And of course, that book inspired the absolute classic film released in 1973 by the same name.

The one hour pilot will be a modern reinvention (boooooooo....I know) of the book which tells the story of two men facing one horrific demonic possession of a very sweet little girl. The pilot was written by Jeremy Slater who will also executive produce. He was behind The Lazarus Effect.

I don't know how this will work in the hands of Fox, it would be better off with HBO or FX. Weirdly enough, I'm going to watch the new The Omen modernization and use that as judgment for The Exorcist. Which is totally unfair. But I never said it was logical.

And last, but hopefully not least, The Boy was released in theaters on the 22nd and the reviews are mixed but mostly positive so far. I can't wait for it to come to itunes so I can watch it and not have to go outside into society.

The Boy stars the stunningly beautiful Lauren Cohan in a silly sounding story that actually comes off incredibly creepy. Greta takes a job as a nanny in a small English village. Sounds all good, except for the fact that the 8 year old she's babysitting is a life sized doll that the parents treat as a real child. They have a very long and strict list of rules that we know Greta will break one by one and bring a nightmare to life.

Here's the trailer:

To me, it looks like a good, solid horror movie from a big studio. I'm thinking along the lines of Sinister and Insidious. Good old fashioned scares, maybe a twist or two, and one more creepy doll to add to my home when they release the figure to the public.

Alright, that's it for me tonight. I should go help Mitch make dinner because I'm starrrrrving. The X-Files premiered on Sunday night so look out for my review soon.

Stay spooky!!

Watching Tusk, Annabelle, Ouija, and The Purge Anarchy

Welp I'm four movies into my list...LET'S TALK ABOUT THEM!

First up:

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TUSK

My main man Kevin Smith wrote and directed this hot mess of a film. I spoke about it quite a bit in the original post but now I've seen it so here's where I'm at;
The first...40 minutes? were perfect. That golden Kev Smith banter, those long winded but glorious conversations, gorgeous scenery, crazy attention to detail, and all around super fun. I loved every minute of it. Then Johnny Depp showed up and my bae lost me. I knew from the minute I heard the rumors that this was a terrible idea. Because as soon as Mr. Depp shows up it becomes a Johnny Depp film and caters to him. Johnny Depp only plays Johnny Depp in a costume nowadays and this is the same shit, different wig. Kev lost me as soon as this happened, he really did. I watched it all the way through and I'm sure I'll watch it again BUT I'm bummed.
And the movie itself is great, like I said, flawless script and exactly what I expected. The first 40 minutes I could watch over and over and over. But that one character choice....over it. (Super bummed knowing that character will back for Yoga Hosers....and I swear to GOD if he puts Johnny Depp in Moose Jaws, I quit [I won't quit, i love you Kevin, I will never quit you])
Would I recommend this to anyone? hell no. If you're a fan of Kevin Smith and a follower of smodcast, you've already seen this film. And if you are neither of those two previously listed things...this movie isn't for you. It's super niche. Don't worry about it.

Rating?

six walrus mating calls out of justin long's mustache

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ANNABELLE

Oh boy this movie was FUN! There weren't as many jump scares (barely any) as The Conjuring but the imagery that you're shown will stay with you a hella of a lot longer. I found myself going to bed that night (jk i watched it in bed, i'm a slob, but actually turning off the lights and going to sleep etc) and seeing certain moments in my mind and getting fuhreaked out. The story made sense mostly, it got a little confusing piecing the history together with the opening scene of The Conjuring but that might just be me. The imagery was stunning, the colors were so on point, and Annabelle managed to not cross that border into cheesy. It all felt so realistic. There's a scene where our main lady is hiding in an elevator and she keeps hitting the top floor and the elevator door will open but it's the basement every single time...OMG every time that door opened I was shitting myself. Loved the cult aspect a lot, I'm always complaining about the lack of good and scary cult movies (thank you for changing my life The Sacrament [and Red State baby!]). It also had a bit of a Rosemary's Baby vibe.
The husband was really weird? I was convinced even when the movie finished that husband was possessed the entire time. What a weirdo. He was so off. I mean he wasn't possessed, and there was nothing wrong with him, butttt...I'm suspicious.

Rating?

9 demonic possessions out of all knowing exorcism priests

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OUIJA

I mean...what do you wanna know about this movie? It's cliche. It's boring. It's frustratingly bad. It's filled with 25 year olds playing teenagers. I actually turned this off about 50 minutes in. And yeah, I made it that far, maybe I should've toughed it out but Netflix got Hoarders so....ya know...priorities.
The dialogue was useless, the premise was over done. And like...how many movies are we going to have where people just show up at insane asylums and talk to the victims? Do insane asylums let anyone in these days?
"yeah, hey, my house is hella haunted and one of your patients probably knows something about it, i don't know them and i'm not related to them, that cool?"
"yeah it's cool, come on in"
Come on guys. OH and the fucking kid goes to research who died in the house and within seconds he's like "here's an article from 1940 about the mysterious death of a little girl...this is who's haunting our house"
WHAT?! What kind of voodoo google is he using?
Whatever, I'm over it.

Rating?

0 trailers showing the scariest bits out of cliched back stories

And last but not least (I just finished it half an hour ago):

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THE PURGE: ANARCHY

Well this fucking movie blew all the others out of the water. Goddamn. This movie was SO GOOD. This one focuses way more on the class systems and the struggles of power between the classes and the government. And it's terrifying because you totally know if America ever put through a Purge, this is exactly what would go down. I loved having so many diverse characters (and not just a bunch of white people running around screaming), I loved all the takes on how different people in society purge. It had horrifying imagery, a few good jumps, but mostly it was just an edge of your seat thriller. AND OMG that ending. SUCH TENSION. MUCH EMOTION. I straight up cried. It was so satisfying and brilliant and I already want to watch it again. I love The Purge franchise and I can't wait for number three. And hey, maybe if they get a few more, it might replace Final Destination in my heart (but probably not).
Like I wanna talk about this movie so much but I can't form words about it. I just want to make a lot of hand motions and kind of grunt?

Rating?

10 gutter traps out of vigilantes

So yeah, good run so far except for Ouija which I will take to hell with me. Just making my way through the list and trying not to add too many more before I get confused. Enjoying horror movies again is giving me life. This last week and especially today has been just awful. That gypsy curse of mine is kicking back in lately and I think that's when I turn to horror movies the most. Because hey, my life may be shit, but at least I'm not being turned into a walrus, and at least the ghost in my house doesn't trap me in elevators. It could always be worse ~~