First up:
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TUSK
My main man Kevin Smith wrote and directed this hot mess of a film. I spoke about it quite a bit in the original post but now I've seen it so here's where I'm at;The first...40 minutes? were perfect. That golden Kev Smith banter, those long winded but glorious conversations, gorgeous scenery, crazy attention to detail, and all around super fun. I loved every minute of it. Then Johnny Depp showed up and my bae lost me. I knew from the minute I heard the rumors that this was a terrible idea. Because as soon as Mr. Depp shows up it becomes a Johnny Depp film and caters to him. Johnny Depp only plays Johnny Depp in a costume nowadays and this is the same shit, different wig. Kev lost me as soon as this happened, he really did. I watched it all the way through and I'm sure I'll watch it again BUT I'm bummed.
And the movie itself is great, like I said, flawless script and exactly what I expected. The first 40 minutes I could watch over and over and over. But that one character choice....over it. (Super bummed knowing that character will back for Yoga Hosers....and I swear to GOD if he puts Johnny Depp in Moose Jaws, I quit [I won't quit, i love you Kevin, I will never quit you])
Would I recommend this to anyone? hell no. If you're a fan of Kevin Smith and a follower of smodcast, you've already seen this film. And if you are neither of those two previously listed things...this movie isn't for you. It's super niche. Don't worry about it.
Rating?
six walrus mating calls out of justin long's mustache
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ANNABELLE
Oh boy this movie was FUN! There weren't as many jump scares (barely any) as The Conjuring but the imagery that you're shown will stay with you a hella of a lot longer. I found myself going to bed that night (jk i watched it in bed, i'm a slob, but actually turning off the lights and going to sleep etc) and seeing certain moments in my mind and getting fuhreaked out. The story made sense mostly, it got a little confusing piecing the history together with the opening scene of The Conjuring but that might just be me. The imagery was stunning, the colors were so on point, and Annabelle managed to not cross that border into cheesy. It all felt so realistic. There's a scene where our main lady is hiding in an elevator and she keeps hitting the top floor and the elevator door will open but it's the basement every single time...OMG every time that door opened I was shitting myself. Loved the cult aspect a lot, I'm always complaining about the lack of good and scary cult movies (thank you for changing my life The Sacrament [and Red State baby!]). It also had a bit of a Rosemary's Baby vibe.The husband was really weird? I was convinced even when the movie finished that husband was possessed the entire time. What a weirdo. He was so off. I mean he wasn't possessed, and there was nothing wrong with him, butttt...I'm suspicious.
Rating?
9 demonic possessions out of all knowing exorcism priests
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OUIJA
I mean...what do you wanna know about this movie? It's cliche. It's boring. It's frustratingly bad. It's filled with 25 year olds playing teenagers. I actually turned this off about 50 minutes in. And yeah, I made it that far, maybe I should've toughed it out but Netflix got Hoarders so....ya know...priorities.The dialogue was useless, the premise was over done. And like...how many movies are we going to have where people just show up at insane asylums and talk to the victims? Do insane asylums let anyone in these days?
"yeah, hey, my house is hella haunted and one of your patients probably knows something about it, i don't know them and i'm not related to them, that cool?"
"yeah it's cool, come on in"
Come on guys. OH and the fucking kid goes to research who died in the house and within seconds he's like "here's an article from 1940 about the mysterious death of a little girl...this is who's haunting our house"
WHAT?! What kind of voodoo google is he using?
Whatever, I'm over it.
Rating?
0 trailers showing the scariest bits out of cliched back stories
And last but not least (I just finished it half an hour ago):
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THE PURGE: ANARCHY
Well this fucking movie blew all the others out of the water. Goddamn. This movie was SO GOOD. This one focuses way more on the class systems and the struggles of power between the classes and the government. And it's terrifying because you totally know if America ever put through a Purge, this is exactly what would go down. I loved having so many diverse characters (and not just a bunch of white people running around screaming), I loved all the takes on how different people in society purge. It had horrifying imagery, a few good jumps, but mostly it was just an edge of your seat thriller. AND OMG that ending. SUCH TENSION. MUCH EMOTION. I straight up cried. It was so satisfying and brilliant and I already want to watch it again. I love The Purge franchise and I can't wait for number three. And hey, maybe if they get a few more, it might replace Final Destination in my heart (but probably not).Like I wanna talk about this movie so much but I can't form words about it. I just want to make a lot of hand motions and kind of grunt?
Rating?
10 gutter traps out of vigilantes
So yeah, good run so far except for Ouija which I will take to hell with me. Just making my way through the list and trying not to add too many more before I get confused. Enjoying horror movies again is giving me life. This last week and especially today has been just awful. That gypsy curse of mine is kicking back in lately and I think that's when I turn to horror movies the most. Because hey, my life may be shit, but at least I'm not being turned into a walrus, and at least the ghost in my house doesn't trap me in elevators. It could always be worse ~~
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