Vampires, Ghosts, and Bigfoot, Oh My!

What We Do In The Shadows

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What a complete pleasant surprise this movie was. I saw the trailer a few months ago and I fell in love instantly. Great actors, great writers, unique idea. Another amazing film out of New Zealand. It's a mockumentary style movie about modern day vampires. Straight up, this is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. I was in stitches the entire time and texting Oprah all the best quotes...which was basically every quote. I know I will watch this movie over and over and recommend it to everyone.
Like, straight up, I can't stand vampires. There was just this ridiculous influx of vampires when I was in highschool and college and I got sick of them. Which sucked because I loved the Anne Rice novels and the movies, especially Queen of the Damned, but I couldn't bare to watch it anymore. Now it's zombies infiltrating everything and I'm starting to enjoy vampires again. So this movie came to me at a great time and is reigniting my vampire flame. (that sounds super erotic....)

Rating?
10 swearwolves out of 10 track pants

Housebound

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Another film from New Zealand and absolutely refreshing for the horror genre. An amazing and beautiful and tough as nails female lead, a mother character we can all relate to, and a number of hilarious and strange characters revolving through. The film also does an amazing job of never really letting you know where it's going. You think you've solved it and then a twist happens that basically breaks your ankle and you're just like NOOO WHATTTT. Loved every moment of it. Aggressively recommend it. Like...I can't find a single flaw? It could've been 5 hours long and I would've been happy. It gave me hella old school horror vibes.

Rating?
Just straight up 10/10

Willow Creek

A found footage Bigfoot movie. My body was so ready. And part of it delivered, but most of it didn't. Aside from a very tense and well done 20 minute scene in the tent at night, there wasn't much going on except a long winded tour of Willow Creek. Steve Streufert and Tommy Yamarone make cameos playing themselves and there's a weird amount of big foot music. BUT
...................all this movie did was leave me with 1000 unanswered questions.
Everyone online says the naked lady was a forest bride? When was forest bride mentioned? I got that she was the missing woman from the poster but FOREST BRIDE?! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN!?
And the guy guarding the film site telling them to go back? Who the fuck? If he was protecting the site then why does the town show off big foot if they want to keep it a secret? Was he protecting a pot field?
Why didn't the camera have night vision?
WHY WAS THAT SOCK IN THE TREE?
Why did they keep turning the light on and therefore attracting attention?
Why was I weirdly attracted to Steve Streufert in his scene?
WHO FOUND THE FOOTAGE?
Why am i ready to fall asleep at 8pm?
Why is Valentine's Day candy so expensive?
....

Rating?
5 suspicious town folk out of 10 forest brides?

V/H/S Viral

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The end to the epic trilogy! But honestly this one was basically a stand alone. And the in-between story was so dumb? I didn't get it? It was super confusing and in no way scary and I was more annoyed than anything when a story ended.
The stories though?
The first one was about a magician and his evil magic cloak. And ya'll know I luuuurve anything to do with magicians so this was right up my alley. The camera in this one was pretty awesome because it was documentary style mixed with interrogation room footage and "home videos".

The second was a man who's opened a portal to an alternate universe where he finds himself. They switch universes for just 15 minutes but a whole lot of shit goes down. Including monster vaginas and a porn soundtrack that I couldn't figure out where or why or how? This had the shaky cam effect though which drove me nuts near the end. Both guys carried camcorders the entire time.

The third was a bunch of kids filming a skate video and going to TJ to continue to film. They end up there during what appears to be the day of the dead festival and while skating they skate over a weird pentagram and shrine and shit happens. This one was pretty creepy image wise but I hated every single person in this video, I had no idea what was really happening between the kids, and why and how did these kids get across the border? ONE HAD A GUN?!
Anyway.
Not the best V/H/S by far, but a satisfying end to the trilogy.

Rating?
 7 waves of nausea due to 10 shaky cam moments