Happy New Year nerds!

You know what I love the most about New Years? Drunk idjits running amok. Everyone gets so excited and drinks and parties and laughs and smiles until midnight hits. Then shit hits the fan. It's like midnight is this magical button that everyone presses and all of a sudden it's like there are no rules, and everyone turns into a crazy person. I witnessed this myself with love and no judgement, just enjoyment at the party I attended. Being the only sober one there, it was incredibly hilarious to watch all of it unroll. The night started with slow drinking and hilarious conversations. The closer it got to midnight, the faster the drinks were poured, the music got louder. At midnight everyone gets incredibly happy and hugs strangers and kisses friends and enemies, they crank the music, they dance like the rebellious teens in the movie Footloose. Everyone starts tweeting about how blessed they are, how much they love everyone and everything. They instagram multiple photos of everyone looking red cheeked and blood shot. Everyone gets really serious and drunkenly tries to explain their resolutions. There's always the anarchist who claims resolutions are for idiots. And the wise guy who cracks; my resolution is to not have ANY resolutions! Then 1 am hits and if you are like me, you must now adventure onto transit to make your way home.

Transit on New Years is perhaps the GREATEST experience for a sober person to be a part of. Couples, who an hour ago were telling each other they want to be together forever, are now screaming at each other and breaking up. Everyone's clothes are disheveled, their faces pale, their breath rancid. Lonely men vomit all over themselves and are too drunk to even care that everyone is watching. You have to pick your train seat verrrrrry carefully in case of back splash. Friends cling to each other and cry. And then you get off at your stop and begin your trek home. People at train stations at 2 am are basically zombies. They wander up and down the street hoping to God that a cab will show up. They sit on the curb, head in hands, trying to remember where they left their cell phone. I just pretended I was Rick Grimes and tried very hard not to run around screaming "WALKERS" and pointing an imaginary gun at people's heads. The best part about that, if it actually happened, was that NO ONE WOULD REMEMBER.

Oh man, New Years Day is basically the hangover. And I love it.

But I did have an amazing New Years Eve and I thank our friends for being wonderful and gracious. I thank Mitch for keeping me entertained with his drunken shenanigans but not being a drunk asshole and actually being very romantic, with vomit on his shoes. I love him.

I was going to make a long post about the hilarity of men vs. women in a home setting and something about fluffy blankets...but it is 3:30 am and I have to be up in 4 hours to catch a plane home to my family and friends, and my brain is mush. I really do like fluffy blankets though.

So I hope your new year is filled with broken resolutions, weight gain, smoking habits that you quit for a week, and debt. JUST KIDDING, THAT WAS SO 2012...............

I'll show myself out.