Good late night friends,
Tomorrow I have an extremely important job interview which I am very excited for. But since my sleeping patterns are not normal I am awake at 1:30 am and embracing it. I am just accepting that I will be tired as balls tomorrow when I have to wake up early. But that's what makeup and energy drinks are for. For some crazy ass reason I am also currently watching Paranormal Activity 4. That's right. #4 and counting. I love when horror movie franchises refuse to give up. Except Texas Chainsaw because I recently read an article and found out they have been given a shit tone of money to make SEVEN MORE SEQUELS. But not to the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or the terrifying remake. But the abomination that is Texas Chainsaw (we are too cool for a massacre). RAAAAGGEEEEEEE on you texas chainsaw, RAGE ON YOU. Of course, if it were up to me I would take all that money and make 5 more Final Destination movies and 2 more Scream movies. Which is why I don't make those decisions. NO WAIT...5 more FD movies, 1 more Paranormal Activity, and 1 Scream......I need to put more thought into this. Maybe if I spread the budget thinner.....

Anyway, I am watching Paranormal Activity 4 alone (well, Tony's here) at 1:30 am and being brave and not screaming and/or crying and/or peeing a little bit. But I'm only 11 minutes in. So...ya know. I'll get back to you on that one. But the creepy kid in this film is really cute. The evil ones always are. Damien from The Omen? Adorable, psychotic, the antichrist, whatever. Aiden from The Ring; kind of a freak, but super adorbs with the big old bags under his eyes. Gage from Pet Sematary; little blonde knife wielding possessed psycho. But those baby blues!

I believe our apartment is haunted. When I first moved in the faucet turned on by itself, which I learned a long time ago is actually physically impossible from a plumbing standpoint. And the other night Mitch said I woke him up at 5:30 am by getting out of bed. WHICH I DID NOT. So something else was moving on the bed that woke him up. And it wasn't Tony, because he barely moves the bed when he rolls around since he is like 10 pounds. (Also he sleeps on my feet and sometimes tries to sleep on my chest and smother me) Freaaaakkkkyyyyy. But also exciiiiiiting. I tried to do a little research on our place but all I could find was that it was built in 1984. Bummer. BUT...that gives us a long time for some spooooooooky deaths to have happened.

Also I smell sulfur right now......so demons? And there's weird noises coming out from our heating vent.....

Waaaaahhhh Paranormal Activity 4 is scarrriiinnggg meeee. I can't not say this movie title without saying it really quickly in my head but drawing out the fourrrrrrr. Just like I can't say The Final Destination without emphasizing the "THE".
I'm turning it off. I am not as brave as I like to think. Which is not brave at all.

So in other news, Oprah and I are going to start writing screen plays, most likely in the horror genre, and harass people until they buy them. I wrote a screen play when I was like 12 which was basically a rip off of Halloween and Scream. I forced my friends to act in it and covered everyone in fake blood which was made out of that nesquik strawberry milk syrup. Basically what I'm telling you is I'm already a pro and to expect a new horror movie franchise with 10 movies in it coming to a theater near you.

We've also decided (because Oprah and I are geniuses) that if I were to ever have a child we would raise it to believe that we had survived a zombie apocalypse before it was born. We would piece together news footage from various zombie films and pretend it was real news footage that we had saved. We would take random photoshoots of us during said apocalypse and keep an old iphone filled with the photos to use as proof. And we would sit around our fireplace and drink brandy and gaze off into the distance and tell my made up child war stories of the apocalypse. It's genius. And then when the child grows old enough to realize we made it all up and The Walking Dead is a comic book not a real life story in which Oprah and I starred, I would pay for it's therapy 'till the day I died.
This is why I will never have children. And why I will not be allowed to babysit Oprah's children until they are at least 6.

Now, in this scenario, Oprah and I are not lesbians as it seems above, now that I re-read it. In that scenario we are actually those people in horror movies who know everything about everything and we constantly have people banging on our doors at 3 am during thunderstorms asking us to help them with demon possessions and ghostly hauntings.

Let me paint a picture for you....
Cut to a stormy night, lets say it's a Tuesday, the clock strikes 3 am, the booms echoing through the halls of the manor where Oprah and Charlotte dwell. A woman rushes towards the door,  her thin figure illuminated by the lightning that slashes the sky. She knocks rapidly, her eyes frantic. Oprah and Charlotte awake, meeting in the hallway outside their rooms. Both hurriedly pull on robes and dash to the door.
"I need your help!" The woman cries. Charlotte and Oprah step away from the door as the woman rushes inside, drenched and shivering. The two girls beckon her into their study which is lit with the warm glow from the fireplace. The room is filled with books and strange items like possessed mirrors and shrunken heads. The woman collapses onto the sofa and weaves her tale of her haunting. A ghost is stalking her, causing her pain and fear. She must get rid of it or she will be killed. The two girls nod, listen carefully, and then dig through their books, their brows furrowed.
"We have what you need." Oprah whispers, leaning over her book. Charlotte sips from her glass of brandy and speaks, "You must burn wormwood under a full moon on a Friday at midnight on top of the grave of the man that haunts you and speak aloud this incantation." She hands over a piece of folded paper which the woman greatly accepts. The two girls show the woman the door, wishing her luck. Thunder booms and the rain picks up as Oprah and Charlotte head back upstairs to their rooms. Just another day in the life of a paranormal genius.
/end scene.

We would have no other jobs because we are super intelligent (in the paranormal) and are obviously too busy raising my child to think we survived a zombie apocalypse. But we would also be married to our handsome boyfriends who have normal jobs and know nothing of what we do.
Clearly Oprah and I have too much time on our hands and/or are clearly creative geniuses and need to get started right away on our screenplays.

Goodnight everyone. I'm going to watch The Office and cry because it's so awful now.

Next day edit/
So I'm almost finished ParanormalActivityFouuuuurrrr and I have to say I am wildly impressed with the horror movie references in this film. The little brother rolling around on his little tricycle like The Shining, the ball rolling down the stairs like in The Changeling. Props to you ParanormalActivityFouuuuurrrr. I'm also digging this whole use of laptop cameras, iphone cameras and what not. It's much more relevant and realistic and tbh freaky. I'm just sitting here like BITCH MOVE YOUR CAMERA LIKE 2 INCHES TO THE LEFT CAUSE I KNOW THERE'S SOMETHING THERE GUUUURL. Then she moves it. And I freak out. SO....obviously I haven't finished it but I saw a gif on tumblr that spoiled the ending so I'm going to go ahead and say I maaaay like this one the best. But the main girls best dude friend is kiiiiinda creepy. He's like "Oh whoops, I filmed you while you were sleeping." And he's lurking around her house at midnight grabbing her feet and shit. Honey, get yourself a new best friend. Me and Oprah are close, maybe too close, but I have no plans of lurking around her bedroom to scare her at 3am.....unless we lived together....in which case I would do that quite often.