Saw Franchise Watch - Saw 1 and 2

It's a long weekend here in Canada and since I've been so busy for the past two months I decided this would be the perfect weekend to do absolutely nothing at all EXCEPT watch the entire Saw franchise. Last night I watched #1 and #2 and I am already head over heels in love. I want to go back in the past and apologize for all the bad shit I said about these movies and for being too chicken shit to watch them. These movies are INCREDIBLE.

Let's jump into the first film!

SAW 2004

 "There's a slow-acting poison coursing through your system, which only I have the antidote for. Will you murder a mother and her child to save yourself? Listen carefully, if you will. There are rules."

Released in 2004, Saw is the directorial debut of the incredible James Wan. The screenplay was written by Leigh Whannell and James Wan helped to create the original ideas based on nightmares the two of them had as kids. The team tried to get this film made in Australia but instead had to travel to LA to get anyone to help make it. They made a short film (specifically using the bear trap scene) to sell the film and it worked, enticing Evolution Entertainment to form a horror genre production label (Twisted Pictures) and help the film get made.

It took 18 days to film and all of the bathroom scenes were shot in 6 days without barely any rehearsal time due to budget. In fact, a lot of the scenes you see are the actual rehearsals. During post production they realized they didn't have enough shots and so Wan and his editor had to get tricky and film some of themselves. 

When it premiered it grossed more than $100 million worldwide and became (at the time) the most profitable horror movie since Scream. After the opening weekend, Saw 2 was green lit.

So what is Saw? 

It opens on two men waking up in a decrepit bathroom with their ankles chained to the wall. Adam, played by Leigh Whannell is a photographer and Lawrence, played by Cary Elwes, is a doctor. The two at first have seemingly nothing in common and when they find cassette tapes on themselves they listen to a terrifying voice telling them that if Lawrence doesn't kill Adam by six o'clock, his wife and daughter will be killed.

Between flashbacks and the two characters digging through the room we learn about the notorious Jigsaw killer who kidnaps people and makes them play sick games. If they escape, they live - Amanda, a previous victim of Jigsaw, is the only person who has survived one of his games - a reverse bear trap. At first the cops, played by Danny Glover and Ken Leung believe Lawrence to be the Jigsaw killer but soon realize it's not that simple.

Overall

This was an incredible movie and story - I was kept guessing until the very end and lost my absolute shit when it was all revealed. It's like a super gory Catch Me if You Can. I loved all the performances, most notably Whannell's and Michael Emerson as Zep. Danny Glover was also incredible, and if I ever get kidnapped, please call him to find me. I got completely invested in this movie and was screaming and yelling and covering my face and I had a really good time watching it. Mitch joined me near the end as he came home (he's actually seen a lot of the Saw movies) and at one point I was screaming the house down when Lawrence began cutting off his foot. I mean...HE JUST WENT FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!! Ughhhhh!!!!!!

So yeah, Saw is incredible - I loved every moment of it and it's a solid one-off film as well as an incredible opening for a franchise.

Games/Traps

For each movie I want to rate each game/trap from #1 being the most fucked up and so on. At the end of the franchise I'll try and rank them all.

#7 - The Quadruple Shotgun Hallway

This one, while clever, is avoidable if you pay attention to where you step and don't pull the damn trip wire!

 

#6 - The Drill Chair

This poor guy - what was he? Just a janitor or a warehouse guy or something? And now he's trapped between two drills that at any moment are going to drill into either side of his head. This would be so painful. 

#5 - Adam and Lawrence's Test

This is clever because it's so complex - there's clues everywhere and there's so many opportunities for them to kill themselves or kill each other or even escape. But because of the high pressure environment and time limit, it's so easy to panic and miss the smallest details.

#4 - Zep's Test

I feel like this one is worse than Adam and Lawrence's because if it all goes wrong, Zep is ultimately responsible for killing four people, one of which is a child. 

#3 - The Flammable Jelly 

This one is number three purely because it has SO many fucked up elements. There's a safe with a key inside, the code to the safe is all over the wall but the wall is covered in 100's of numbers. The room is dark and all there is to see is a candle. The guy is covered in flammable material so if he slips the flames will instantly set him on fire. And to top everything off? The floor is covered in broken glass. I mean....COME ON.

#2 - Reverse Bear Trap

I mean....jesus christ. I'd rather have a trap that released bears on me than have this contraption wired to my head. Just imagining what would happen if you didn't make it..UGHHH

#1 - The Razor Wire Maze

This is the most fucked up to me - I just couldn't even imagine that scenario and it made me sick to my stomach. A guy wakes up trapped inside of a maze of barbed wire and is forced to make it to the end to escape but instead gets tangled up and bleeds out.

10/10

SAW 2 2005

"Those who don't appreciate life do not deserve life" 

 

Onto the sequel! Directed and co-written by Darren Lynn Bousman with the help of Whannell, Saw 2 was given a larger budget and more time to shoot. It continued to be a financial success. The sequel opens up with an informant wearing a spike filled death mask locked to his neck. Jigsaw appears and tells him the rules of the game. He fails. 

At the scene of this murder we see Detective Kerry (played by Dina Meyer) again from the first film and she's working with her former partner, Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg). At the crime scene is a message specifically for Matthews. Matthews is currently having a rough go of it - his wife has left him, his son seemingly hates him but he joins the SWAT team as they figure out where Jigsaw is working out of. It's a factory and inside they find John Kramer, Jigsaw himself, who is dying from cancer but they also find TV's showing a current game going on - and one of the participants is Matthews son.

Overall

I really loved the sequel - the traps were grosser and more shocking, there were more characters to get invested in, and the story was just as twisty and turny as the first. Tobin Bell gets to have more screen time and show off his incredible acting chops as Jigsaw. Erik Knudsen plays Matthews son and he does a really good job. All of the characters inside of the game are so unique from each other and it's easy to get invested in them. Shawnee Smith returns as Amanda and the twist with her caught me completely off guard. The sequel didn't lose that sort of gritty thriller cop chase type which I really enjoyed. It was really fun and I had a really great time watching this one too! My only complaint was reading about this movie and finding out all the backstories of the characters - most of it was removed for pacing which is a shame. 

Games/Traps

#9 - The Electrified Staircase

Pretty cool how it works but ultimately again, pay attention to where you're walking in Jigsaw's territory cause this dude loves trip wires.

#8 - The Magnum Eyehole

This one was just frustrating, "don't use the key for the door"....they instantly use the key in the door and get shot through the eye. I mean...you kind of deserved that?

#7 - The Furnace

This one is frustrating because Obi could've just leaned in and grabbed the antidotes but instead he throws himself fully into the furnace cementing his own death.

#6 - The Antidote Safe Room

Putting the safe numbers on the back of everyone's necks is so simple yet so effective. None of them worked as a team, and even at the end when it was figured out by Xavier, he chose to murder instead of just look at the back of people's necks.

#5 -  The Nerve Gas House

I love how big this game is - they have an entire house to run around and try and find clues. And again, if they had just stayed calm in the first room they would've found a way out. Instead everyone panicked and ran and ultimately dug their own graves.

#4 - The Death Mask

First off - hiding the key in the guy's own eye is some fucked up shit. And then putting him in a death mask on a time limit. CRUEL. But amazing.

#3 - Eric's Test

This is just clever - Jigsaw knew Eric so well and even though he told him all he needs to do is sit and talk for the time limit and he would see his son, he panicked and let his anger get the best of him. But ultimately, if he had just sat there and talked, he would be alive and his son would've been returned to him at the end. 

#2 - The Razor Box

Ughhhhhhhh....this one is great simply because it's so obvious. You can actually see there's a lock on the outside of the box so if anyone took the time to look at the contraption you would realize you wouldn't even need to stick your hand in there. But that's the beauty of these traps - you're dying, you're on a time limit, so you just stick your hand in there in a panic. Although when she sticks her second hand in...I mean...come on....

#1 - The Needle Pit
This is some fucked up shit right here. Could you even fucking imagine?! And even filming it I bet was quite traumatic, even though the needles are fake I feel like the brain would still be like OMG NEEDDDLLLEESSSS NOOOO. So clever, so fucked up. So good.

Another solid 10/10

Alright, I will be watching Saw 3 today and hopefully Saw 4 but there's also a massive fireworks show tonight that I'm going to go watch so we'll see how much I get through! But that's okay - there's still two full days left of this long weekend.

Stay spooky!

 

Don't Hang Up 2016

DON'T HANG UP (2016)

 "You'll need to give me something in return, a life for a life."

A morality tale for the millennial age - a "harmless" prank, filmed for a youtube page, goes terribly wrong unbeknownst to the prankers. One man decides to take revenge and turn the tables on the young guys who spend their time drinking and pranking their neighbors.

The directorial debut of Damien Mace and Alexis Wajsbrot, Don't Hang Up follows Brady (Garrett Clayton), Sam (Gregg Sulkin) and Mosley who enjoy making prank calls - one specifically involves calling a mother in the middle of the night and pretending to be the police. They tell this young mom that there's an intruder in her home and her daughter is in danger. They upload their prank videos to the internet and live for all the views and comments they get, giving them a bit of internet fame.
One weekend, Sam, who's girlfriend Peyton (Bella Dayne) has just broken up with him, is partying with his friend Brady and the two of them decide to prank some neighbors and friends to cheer Sam up. But when they receive a phone call from someone called Mr. Lee, they realize the tables have been turned on them. Only Mr. Lee isn't fucking around.

Overall

This is like Saw meets Unfriended. But not as good as either of those movies. I completely get where this movie is coming from - I like this sort of morality tale gone wrong story about the quest for internet fame and taking things too far. We see stuff like this all the time nowadays - nasty prank videos, young kids filming awful stuff just to get hits. Hell, last month a girl live streamed a fatal car crash of her friends and is now facing jail time. This story is relevant. But it doesn't hit as hard as you'd like it to.

First off the main characters are quite awful to watch - in no way are you rooting for them, but you also don't care if they die. They're very basic stereotypes of young men. Sam with his high school sweetheart who just wants to get her back. Brady is a young guy who wants to go to film school but he knows his grades aren't good enough so he's joining the military. (Which - side note - you don't need good grades to get into film school ya'll - you just need $24K and a great story idea). They're very cookie cutter version of bros we see nowadays in school. But maybe there's just too many of these in movies lately, or maybe these just weren't fleshed out enough. I did not like these characters at all and found them very boring to watch. When they went through the inevitable realization that they are not good people and they should've made better choices, it's almost eye rolling.

BUT...let's talk about the good stuff...

 
Positives:

• The Mr. Lee character was incredible - from the voice, to the mask, to the games he plays, it's all spot-on and really well done. He was really spooky and I found myself looking forward to the scenes he would be in.
• Also Mr. Lee's backstory was really great and while you could figure out some of it, seeing what really set him off shocked me. I had no idea. And that final scene with the mom and her child was really shocking and well done. 
• err....Mr. Lee?

Negatives:

• It got really confusing, and not in a fun twisty turny way, more so in a "we've lost the plot" kind of way. It was hard to keep track of what was a prank and what wasn't.
• The camera angles were strange and the entire film was odd in the way it was handled - sometimes it was like weird zooming around drone footage, sometimes it was hand held, sometimes it was a regular shot. It didn't flow well at all and just added to the confusion.

Don't Hang Up is an alright movie - I didn't get bored, but I wasn't losing my shit. So I'm going to give it a 6/10

Now I'm off to watch the entire Saw franchise!

Stay spooky!
  

Stephen King News - because I don't care about anything else

Well, well, well......

I have returned....

( credit for gif )

People who have been following this blog for the past few years know I basically disappear every summer and I apologize for that. This summer has been notoriously worse because I travelled quite a lot and I got promoted at work so I've been busy living out my career dreams ~~~

So let's check in with the summer so far shall we? We've had some insane trailers coming out, some interesting movies have premiered and lots of great old and new movies added to Netflix and Shudder. I also got cable and so have spent most of my time watching things like America's Got Talent and Dr. Phil and letting my brain get melted. I REGRET NOTHING!

I actually haven't watched a horror movie in months? I think the last one I watched was when I re-watched Get Out with Mitch. I'm missing out on a lot and I'm pretty bummed about it but then I get home and I'm like ahhh yes, "my daughter is my mother is my uncle who's a sex predator" ...SIGN ME UP. But I am recognizing my bad habits and trying to move on....."trying" being the important word here...

Let's talk about some horror news I've been excited about lately:

First up of course is IT, it's crawling closer and closer and we just got our third trailer which looks incredible. It premiered during San Diego Comic Con and honestly, I'm trying not to let my expectations get too high but holllllyyyyy shiiiitttt does this movie look scary or what?! Joe Hill recently saw the full film and said it was one of five scariest films he's ever seen. I MEAN HOT DAMN! I am absolutely going on opening night and I am ready to get my pants scared off of me.

The adaptation is brought to us by director Andy Muschietti and stars Bill Skarsgard as Pennywise.

In this new trailer I like that they showed the adults not seeing what's happening to the kids, they just turn a blind eye as all of this is happening and at first you think it's because they're dumb adults but soon realize the town is doing something strange to them. I'm so glad they're including this because it's such a great part of the book where you feel such fear and frustration. We hear Pennywise talk and it's perfect. We get even more balloons. We get an extended look at that terrifying scene of Georgie in the cellar. We see what I hope to be that horrifying refrigerator scene with the leech like creatures. Also that score is just so incredible and jarring. WE JUST SEE SO MUCH WITHOUT GIVING TOO MUCH AWAY AND I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!!!!!!

Check out the final trailer here and let's start counting down the days until IT premiers in theatres on September 8th.

Speaking of Stephen King, Mr. Mercedes premiers next Wednesday (August 9th) on DIRECTV and I'm hoping iTunes the next day for those of us without fancy cable. The trailer has given me a lot of hope that for once a Stephen King TV show will work, and early reviews are positive so woohoo! The casting is spot on and the vibe is a match for the book. I'm really excited for this and here's the trailer which premiered recently:



Executive produced by Stephen King, David E. Kelley and Jack Bender, Mr. Mercedes follows the story of a serial killer taunting a retired police detective. This trailer has got me hyped and I'm totally going to re-read this book this weekend.

The Jigsaw trailer came out a little while ago and I am 100% onboard. I've never been a huge fan of the Saw franchise. I used to be really sensitive to torture scenes in horror movies but two years ago I actually watched Saw for the first time and it was incredible! I would like to actually watch the whole franchise before the premier of Jigsaw.....challenge...accepted? Maybe? Next week?

One of the highest grossing horror franchises is coming back with a bang and it looks like it has a lot of the stuff people love about Saw with some fun new twists. Directed by Michael Spierig and Peter Spierig, it premiers October 27th. I'm going to try and convince my coworkers to go on a work trip to see it for Halloween week.

Check out the trailer below

Lastly - Eli Roth and AMC have been incredibly busy lately bringing us the horror content we deserve. AMC will be creating three new horror anthology series - the first is a horror/sci-fi mix called Shock Theatre which the incredible Greg Nicotero will direct and produce. Every week a new episode will pay tribute to those B movie classics we all love.

Teaming up with A Fish Ladder, Chris Hardwick's production company, AMC will also be premiering a show called Underbelly which will take a hard look at the dark side of pop culture like fan obsessions, greed, vanity etc. This one is intriguing as I have no idea what kind of format this will be and if it's just going to be hella depressing.

Then there's Wicked West coming from Jason Blum, obviously from Blumhouse, which was will be a non-fiction series about some of the most horrific and true tales of the wild, wild west. This is super awesome as I am a huge fan of the gritty old west and all those depressing but insane stories.

Lastly, what I'm most excited for is Eli Roth's new show. We all know Eli Roth is a massive horror nerd and this show will be a 6 part series about the history of horror. "Sadly, we lose more of these masters every year and with them go their stories and experiences. This show will serve as a record for future generations..." Eli commented. This is such a solid idea - obviously we've lost some horror greats in the past few years, most notably to me Wes Craven and most recently George A. Romero so this show sounds like a really thoughtful idea.

Also huge shout out to AMC for bringing us horror nerds from real quality programming lately!

And that's it for my news wrap-up. Hopefully I'll be back on this thing more now that summer is coming to a close. And hopefully I watch some more horror movies because my life is lacking miserably.

Stay spooky!

11.22.63 - who the hell shot JFK? And why does James Franco suck so much?

11/22/63 plays on the age old question of if you could go back in time and change one event, what would it be? Most common answers are usually "Kill Hitler" or "Kill Trump" or "save the dinosaurs". In 2011 Stephen King answered that question himself in a haunting and exciting novel. I remember getting it the day it came out and devouring it in about two days. I couldn't put it down. And then last February the 8 episode miniseries hit Hulu but I wasn't interested at all. I've always been a doubter in King adaptations - of course there's a few exceptions to the rule - but mostly I'm let down. I still watch them all but when they started making King novels into TV shows, I couldn't take it. Under the Dome? Are you joking?

But since King is having a beautiful and well deserved comeback this year, including the new TV series The Mist which hits our screens this month, I thought I'd give 11.22.63 a try.

While it wasn't perfect, I had a great time watching it and ended up in a puddle of tears by the end.

Starring James Franco in the lead of Jake Epping, a freshly divorced English teacher, he is shown by his friend Al (Chris Cooper), who owns the local diner, that the diner has a secret within it. In the back closet is a portal that takes you to 1960. Al has been going for years but is now dying of cancer and needs Jake to take over his quest - to stop John F. Kennedy from being assassinated. The only problem? We don't actually know who killed him. There's countless theories from Lee Harvey Oswald to the mafia to Russia to the CIA to all of them working together. So Jake has to go back in time, find out who killed JFK and stop him/her before it happens.

In the past Jake joins forces with Bill who is played by the enchanting George MacKay and the lovely and intelligent Sadie, played by Sarah Gadon.

What did I love?

The cast was absolutely amazing - except for James Franco. Sarah Gadon is stunningly beautiful and plays Sadie with the utmost respect that makes you fall in love with her immediately. MacKay as Bill (a character not in the book) is a great addition that fills in the gaps that the book would've left by being turned into a TV show. Lucy Fry plays Marina Oswald and is incredibly powerful in her performance. Daniel Webber as Lee Harvey Oswald is like a young Ralph Fiennes, pulling off Lee's strange speech patterns and odd behavior incredibly well. Leon Rippy as Harry completely stole my heart and broke it with his emotional performance.

And how can I forget T.R. Knight as Johnny Clayton?!? Psychotic done right. 

Yes, the cast is strong. The characters are stronger - there's so many great people in this story. And they way they weave together is incredibly well done.

I loved the scenery - it felt very 60's. The outfits were beautiful, the cars were awesome. And that soundtrack!!!!!!!!!!! Oh it was phenomenal. So many great music choices. And the opening score itself is so catchy. Reminds me very much of Catch me if you Can.

While a lot was changed from the book, the biggest I think being the addition of Bill and that in the book Jake ends up in 1958 not 1960, I was okay with the changes. They were smart changes that made it a mini-series that flowed and made sense. King has a lovely tendency of going on tangents and introducing a lot of background characters and creating very complex story lines. But this adaptation was handled well.

What didn't I love?

Honestly, the only thing I didn't love was James Franco. I've never been a big fan of his in the first place but I didn't want to judge his performance prematurely. But by the end of the first episode I was incredibly disappointed. And that continued on throughout the series. What makes it worse is him being surrounded by strong actors. He drowns in the dialogue and when it comes for an emotional scene it's dead. And I'm pretty sure those tears he had to cry all the time were CGI. It's such an absolute shame because there's so many phenomenal actors out there who could've done SO much better and in turn made this mini-series near perfect. He may look like a dapper 60's star when he's all dressed up, but then he opens his mouth and it all falls apart.

Overall?

I will absolutely watch this mini-series again. I feel really happy that it was done so well and does this massive King novel justice. I would also recommend it.

I also highly recommend picking up the book and reading it, don't be intimidated by it's size. This was an interesting departure for King with it being a historical fictional tale. But the horror is still there - when Jake comes back to 2011, the state he finds the world in is terrifying. 11/22/63 plays with the question of time travel and the butterfly effect and how even the smallest change can affect the entire world. It also speaks deeply to our darkest moments - those personal experiences we have that we lay awake thinking "what if that hadn't happened"..."what if had just...". I came out of the novel with a new found respect for my terrible experiences, knowing that I can't change what happened, and that perhaps that doesn't matter - they shape me.

“We never know which lives we influence, or when, or why. Not until the future eats the present, anyway. We know when it's too late.” 

Ugh...you guys...Stephen King is so great.

Also who the fuck shot JFK?! I feel like I've spent my whole life trying to figure that out. I would love to know how many hours in my lifetime I've spent researching that day. I can't even give you a "odds are" situation. I was sure it was the CIA for a few years until about three weeks ago when I listened to a three hour podcast that changed my mind AND NOW I DON'T KNOW!!!!!

8/10

Horror News - IT, Zodiac, and Scream

We've got a new IT trailer, Alien Covenant comes out next week, and a new Zodiac movie that has me so excited so let's delve right in to my horror movie news wrap-up aka these are completely hand picked to my tastes and I'm the worst.

First up we just got a new IT trailer dropped on us today and it's a goodie. I really have incredibly high hopes for this movie. I actually jumped in this trailer and then watched it three more times. In the trailer we get a better look at Pennywise, we get more time with the kids, a better view of the abandoned house, and we get a full scene of banter between Richie and Eddie. I can't believe how amazing this movie looks - my little king filled heart won't be able to handle it.

We also got The Dark Tower trailer dropped on us last week, but I don't want to talk about that as I seem to be the only one on the internet who hated that trailer...

Watch IT in theaters September 8th. I'll be there first showing on the Thursday screaming my goddamn head off. 

Anyway, watch the new trailer for IT here if you darrreeee....come on bucko, don't you want a balloon?

Next up...Alien Covenant hits theaters NEXT THURSDAY! I just bought my ticket for Friday at 7:45, because I'm an old lady and don't want to stay up late on Thursday night and get up early for work the next day.

I stopped watching the trailers after the second one because they were releasing too much, but I did watch the prequel trailer which was really cool. Check that one out and all the other million trailers they've released.

But this week they released the final posters and boy are they are creepy as hell. The posters for this movie have been fucking fantastic.

Check the three new ones out below and check in with me soon when I post my review:

Lights Out was one of my favorite films from last year and I've really come to love the director David Sandberg because he's such an incredibly open guy. He did a podcast with Shock Waves and was so honest and open about the whole process and his current process on Annabelle 2, which the trailer recently dropped for. While that trailer didn't blow my mind or anything, I am looking forward to it simply because of Sandberg. Sandberg spends a lot of time talking about his craft, his ideas and even spends time on social media reaching out to aspiring filmmakers sharing what he knows.

He just uploaded a video to his youtube that's a mini making-of documentary for Lights Out and it's absolutely fascinating. It goes through his process of setting up the scares and the many different ways he planned them. He even shows some of the storyboarding which is always cool to see.

It runs about 20 minutes and check it out below:



When MTV first announced ages ago that they were making a Scream TV show I was angered, disgusted and then ignored everything about it. Then last year I saw the first season was on Netflix and quietly and privately watched it. And to my suprise I fucking loved the show, it was actually really well done and super fun. I then couldn't wait for season two. But then that came out and I'd already forgotten about it. But a few months ago I finally sat down and watched season two and it was just as good! So now I have to consider myself a Scream TV show fan.

But season three couldn't happen, I thought. They've wrapped everything up and anything they do will be dumb. But then MTV was like...oh, Charlotte, when will you ever learn? And have released that season three will be a complete reset with brand new characters and story.

It also comes with a new showrunner, Brett Matthews and new group of executive producers including Queen Latifah. TVline released the casting breakdown and here's the very basic frame of characters we should look to expect:

Dion - football player with dark secrets
Liv - Dion's cheerleader girlfriend with good intentions and a big heart.
Kym - rebellious one
Beth - GOTH!!!!!!!!!!! YESSSSS!!!!!!! SO MUCH ANGST.
Jamal - Dion's step-brother hanging out with a rough crowd.

So new story, new location, new cast, new killer. Right now I am judgmental and hesitant but secretly SUPER excited.

This is the Zodiac speaking....

There's a new movie coming in June that has me SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!!!!!! Just listen to this premise:

A down-on-their-luck couple buy an old storage unit only to find the Zodiac killer's film reels inside. There's a $100K reward for any tips and the couple decide to take the law into their own hands and find the killer themselves.

The Zodiac killer is my favorite serial killer....so much so that I know how to write in the part of his code that was figured out, and at work the Zodiac killer is a valid member of our staff who signs everyone's birthday cards and steals people's stuff for ransom. Zodiac is one of my favorite films ever. So I'm really really REALLY stoked to see this movie. And the trailer has me believing this could be amazing. And even if it isn't, honestly, I'll still be there opening night.

It stars Shane West, Leslie Bibb and Matt Craven and is released June 9th. 

Check out the trailer below:


Alright I'll leave you to digest all that....

It's all getting so exciting this year for horror. I didn't even mention the confirmation of the Unbreakable sequel and all of Shamalamadingdong's tweets about it, all the new movies coming out, and all the new collectables. BUT...I don't have that much time on my hands...I need to go re-watch the IT trailer a few more times.

Stay spooky!

Birthday Horror Movie Marathon DAY TWO

Well after a disastrous day I was finally able to watch some horror movies - I only got through two before heading to bed. But no fear - today I have the whoooooleeee day to pick up where I left off.

So first up I watched:

V/H/S (2012)

"Joey, you're all gonna fucking die up here"

First of all - I was convinced I'd already seen this because I've seen the other two, but after the first tape finished I realized I'd never seen this before in my life.

Second of all - all the men in this movie are awful and I was happy to watch them all die painful deaths.

V/H/S came out in 2012 and kind of reinvigorated the anthology series trope. It was created by Brad Miska who runs bloodydisgusting and features five stories and a wrap around. The wrap around was directed by Adam Wingard (You're Next, The Guest) and follows an awful group of guys, one who has a hipster pedo-stache, who basically exploit women and sell the tapes for money. They also break into an abandoned house and smash up all the windows most likely because they're bored and idiots. But a mysterious someone offers them a lot of money to break into a house and steal a single VHS tape and so this perverted, pile of human garbage decide to take up the offer.

When they enter the house they find an old man, who they assume is dead, and a tone of videotapes. While the group splits up to see if there are any more tapes, one guy stays behind and starts to watch them. But don't worry - they all get what they deserve. The flaw with this wraparound though is that it is basically unwatchable. The "found footage" element is so choppy and confusing that I couldn't even make out what they were doing half the time, and the guys are SO awful that I almost couldn't get through it.

The first tape is titled Amateur Night and is directed by David Bruckner. And surprise, surprise it's a bunch of gross horny bros who have bought themselves glasses with a camera in them so they can film themselves having sex. I hate all of them so much. After picking two girls up from a bar, they get more than they bargained for when they come face to face with a Siren.

I didn't really like this one. Again, it's virtually unwatchable. The only part I liked was when the Siren shows her true self and destroys all of the men one by one in very violent ways. The special effects makeup on the Siren was really awesome. 5/10

The second tape is titled Second Honeymoon and is directed by the amazing Ti West (The Innkeepers, The Sacrament). It's a married couple on vacation and at first all seems well until one night at the hotel the boyfriend reveals himself to be an ultra douche and tries to film him and his wife having sex even though she says no about 1000 times. They're interrupted by a knock at the door and a strange girl asking for a ride in the morning. That night the girl breaks into the hotel room and films the couple sleeping and she films putting the husband's toothbrush into the toilet.

This one was super confusing in a fun way and the ultimate reveal actually had me cheering. I loved this one! 9/10

The third tape is titled Tuesday the 17th directed by Glenn McQuaid and is a typical trope of friends going up to the lake for a weekend away. And guess what? The two guys are total douchebags. What a fun theme we're experiencing here. The one girl who invited them all is a little off and keeps making strange comments. It's then revealed that the year before her and her friends had come up here to the lake and they'd all been murdered except for her.

This was one was okay? The "entity" is a cool effect but ultimately I have no idea what it is or what is going on. 7/10

The fourth tape is titled The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She was Younger and it was directed by our boyfriend from Second Honeymoon, Joe Swanberg. This one might have been my favorite I think. A couple are video chatting while the boyfriend is away at school, his girlfriend Emily is saying that her arm is sore and she thinks her apartment's haunted. She calls him one night to show him the ghostly happenings.

This one actually scared the crap out of me! The first reveal when the little kid ghost comes running into the bedroom and slams the door had me SHOOK. This was a super fun short that had me questioning the whole way through and it completely paid off. I'm still a little unsure of the ultimate premise...is it ghosts...is it aliens? But I'm going with aliens because I can. SUPER FUN! I want a whole movie done of this premise. 10/10



The final tape (which plays after pedo-stache is finally killed and I cheered really loudly) is called 10/31/98 and is directed by Radio Silence (Devil's Due, Southbound). This one was quite fun too. A group of guys (not douchebags for once) go out to a Halloween party but get the wrong house. They sneak inside and think it's a haunt because crazy things are happening like doors slamming and footsteps and hands coming out of the walls. They have a tone of fun with it until they reach the attic and begin to realize this isn't fake.

The effects were super fun in this one! Love some good poltergeist activity done right. 9/10

Overall V/H/S was not as good as the other ones. But maybe if I'd watched them in the right order, this one would've been my favorite. But I had some fun watching it - although there were so many "bros" that I was getting really annoyed. And I don't think I've seen so many boobs in one movie before. That's a lie. But it was a lot.

Then I took a break and made some cookies. And jumped back in by watching one of my favorites, Backcountry which you can see the original review for here.

Alright I'm onto day three!

Stay spooky!

Birthday Horror Movie Marathon DAY ONE

 
WHAT A FUCKING DISASTER TODAY WAS!!!!!!!! No power, cleaning dog piss off of my bed sheets in the dark in the bath tub, and starving.

But first....let's get to the good stuff:

Yesterday was my 28th birthday! My friends went above and beyond and spoiled me with many amazing gifts....including this:

When you gotta work in the morning but murder in the afternoon

And then threw me a surprise party:

 

Talentcorpse made an appearance

My birthday party outfit

Then I came home and baked myself a birthday cake:

I am the real cake boss

Oh, and because you guys know the only thing I love as much as horror movies is Star Wars, the beautiful Rupy made me my own snap chat filter:

Then Mitch and I went for a yummy fish and chip dinner before coming home and starting the horror movie marathon. Unfortunately we could only get through two last night because I am an old lady now and I can't stay up later than 10pm.

And since Mitch was watching with me I catered the first two movies so as not to freak him out. First up we watched Ghostwatch which Shudder recently got. I watched Ghostwatch for the first time a few years ago on youtube and it was really bad quality but Shudder got their hands on a beautiful copy and it was amazing to watch it properly for the first time.

GHOSTWATCH

 

What's Ghostwatch? Well, it's basically the predecessor to The Blair Witch and Paranormal Activity. It was a made-for-tv film that was broadcast on Halloween night in England in 1992 on the BBC. But it was never aired again. Stephen Volk created this beast and duped the Halloween viewing audience into thinking the events unfolding were really happening. It takes on the appearance of a broadcast where a news reporter is sent into a supposedly haunted house in an attempt to find out what's really going on. It jumps back and forth from the reporter in the house with the family, to the reporter and news crew outside the house, to the news reporter and doctor inside of the studio. There's fake calls coming into the studio and fake scientific footage shown and things get really fucking crazy.

The in-studio news personality was the famous Michael Parkinson and the reporter who enters the haunted house was Sarah Greene. Enough people in England believed what they were seeing was real and when they found out they'd been duped, thousands of complaints were filed with the BBC and Ghostwatch was left to die on a basement shelf.

Ghostwatch is a lot of fun to watch. It plays a lot like most mockumentary type horror films nowadays where nothing much of anything happens for the first hour and then shit hits the fan for the last half hour. Watching a proper version of it on a proper TV this time I noticed a lot of things I had missed that made it even more fun. Mitch and I had a lot of fun trying to spot the ghostly figure every time it pops up. And the poltergeist activity is incredibly well done. It really is hilarious to watch now and then see so many tropes that are used endlessly nowadays in found footage horror films.



Obviously the underlining story of Ghostwatch takes heavy influence of the Enfield Haunting (you can read all about that haunting on one of my previous posts if you click here) with the two young girls being the focus of a poltergeist. There's some photos shown as evidence that are very similar to the original photos from that case. But in Ghostwatch the story is never clearly defined except for this ghostly figure called "pipes". There are various origin stories shared and even one that perhaps the ground itself is to blame from prehistoric time. But ultimately it's up to you as the viewer to choose your ending. 

Fantastic performances by everyone involved and a really fun film to watch alone, or with some friends. And if you haven't signed up for Shudder yet, you're an idiot and I hope you get your life together.

Solid 10/10

Me and Mitch really want to find a replica of that hilarious framed ghost photo above the fireplace to put above our TV. If anyone knows where we can find one....comment below or tweet me.

Now the second movie I showed Mitch was What we do in the Shadows because it's become one of my favorite films ever. Aside from everything that is brilliant about this film, what I want to mention is that it never loses its funny. I've seen this movie at least 20 times since it came out. I have it on my itunes and I watch it a lot when I'm falling asleep. But yet even after all that, watching it last night with Mitch I was still laughing out loud. Written and directed by Jermaine Clement and Taika Waititi it is a mockumentary following the lives of four vampires living in New Zealand.

It may be one of the funniest films I've ever seen. I'm constantly quoting it and explaining it doesn't do it justice. Seeing the vampires watch a sunset for the first time on youtube, or listening to a group of werewolves remind each other we're werewolves, not swear-wolves cannot be given enough explanation. I already reviewed this movie when I watched it the first time, and you can read that here but I implore you to watch this movie.

It's also a great introduction to horror because while it is hilarious, there are a few "jump scare" moments and quite a lot of gore.

Anyway, here's today's update....

I woke up, watched the new episode of Rupaul's Drag Race, went to Safeway for food and was planning my movie list for the day only to arrive home to the power being out. So that squashed my marathon plans. Instead I finished my re-read of IT and made some headway on my annual re-read of the Harry Potter series. And while doing that, Obie decided to piss all over my blankets and carpet for some annoying reason and so I found myself squatting over the bathtub with a candle trying to scrub piss out of my blanket with cold water because the hot water wasn't working.

BUT

The power is back, I can finally make some hot food, and I will use the evening to get back to my marathon. Hopefully nothing happens tomorrow so I can actually wake up and do a proper all day marathon. GYPSY CURSE STRIKES AGAIN! Serving Thinner realness.

Lastly,
I would like to thank all my amazing friends and boyfriend (who bought me a robotic BB-8 that rolls around our house scaring the dogs and being adorable) for making this years' birthday the BEST ONE YET. You are all wonderful people who I would be absolutely lost without.

Now leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet.

And don't forget to follow me on twitter where I'll be live-tweeting the evening.

Stay spooky!