Well after a disastrous day I was finally able to watch some horror movies - I only got through two before heading to bed. But no fear - today I have the whoooooleeee day to pick up where I left off.
So first up I watched:
V/H/S (2012)
"Joey, you're all gonna fucking die up here"
First of all - I was convinced I'd already seen this because I've seen the other two, but after the first tape finished I realized I'd never seen this before in my life.
Second of all - all the men in this movie are awful and I was happy to watch them all die painful deaths.
V/H/S came out in 2012 and kind of reinvigorated the anthology series trope. It was created by Brad Miska who runs bloodydisgusting and features five stories and a wrap around. The wrap around was directed by Adam Wingard (You're Next, The Guest) and follows an awful group of guys, one who has a hipster pedo-stache, who basically exploit women and sell the tapes for money. They also break into an abandoned house and smash up all the windows most likely because they're bored and idiots. But a mysterious someone offers them a lot of money to break into a house and steal a single VHS tape and so this perverted, pile of human garbage decide to take up the offer.
When they enter the house they find an old man, who they assume is dead, and a tone of videotapes. While the group splits up to see if there are any more tapes, one guy stays behind and starts to watch them. But don't worry - they all get what they deserve. The flaw with this wraparound though is that it is basically unwatchable. The "found footage" element is so choppy and confusing that I couldn't even make out what they were doing half the time, and the guys are SO awful that I almost couldn't get through it.
The first tape is titled Amateur Night and is directed by David Bruckner. And surprise, surprise it's a bunch of gross horny bros who have bought themselves glasses with a camera in them so they can film themselves having sex. I hate all of them so much. After picking two girls up from a bar, they get more than they bargained for when they come face to face with a Siren.
I didn't really like this one. Again, it's virtually unwatchable. The only part I liked was when the Siren shows her true self and destroys all of the men one by one in very violent ways. The special effects makeup on the Siren was really awesome. 5/10
The second tape is titled Second Honeymoon and is directed by the amazing Ti West (The Innkeepers, The Sacrament). It's a married couple on vacation and at first all seems well until one night at the hotel the boyfriend reveals himself to be an ultra douche and tries to film him and his wife having sex even though she says no about 1000 times. They're interrupted by a knock at the door and a strange girl asking for a ride in the morning. That night the girl breaks into the hotel room and films the couple sleeping and she films putting the husband's toothbrush into the toilet.
This one was super confusing in a fun way and the ultimate reveal actually had me cheering. I loved this one! 9/10
The third tape is titled Tuesday the 17th directed by Glenn McQuaid and is a typical trope of friends going up to the lake for a weekend away. And guess what? The two guys are total douchebags. What a fun theme we're experiencing here. The one girl who invited them all is a little off and keeps making strange comments. It's then revealed that the year before her and her friends had come up here to the lake and they'd all been murdered except for her.
This was one was okay? The "entity" is a cool effect but ultimately I have no idea what it is or what is going on. 7/10
The fourth tape is titled The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She was Younger and it was directed by our boyfriend from Second Honeymoon, Joe Swanberg. This one might have been my favorite I think. A couple are video chatting while the boyfriend is away at school, his girlfriend Emily is saying that her arm is sore and she thinks her apartment's haunted. She calls him one night to show him the ghostly happenings.
This one actually scared the crap out of me! The first reveal when the little kid ghost comes running into the bedroom and slams the door had me SHOOK. This was a super fun short that had me questioning the whole way through and it completely paid off. I'm still a little unsure of the ultimate premise...is it ghosts...is it aliens? But I'm going with aliens because I can. SUPER FUN! I want a whole movie done of this premise. 10/10
The final tape (which plays after pedo-stache is finally killed and I cheered really loudly) is called 10/31/98 and is directed by Radio Silence (Devil's Due, Southbound). This one was quite fun too. A group of guys (not douchebags for once) go out to a Halloween party but get the wrong house. They sneak inside and think it's a haunt because crazy things are happening like doors slamming and footsteps and hands coming out of the walls. They have a tone of fun with it until they reach the attic and begin to realize this isn't fake.
The effects were super fun in this one! Love some good poltergeist activity done right. 9/10
Overall V/H/S was not as good as the other ones. But maybe if I'd watched them in the right order, this one would've been my favorite. But I had some fun watching it - although there were so many "bros" that I was getting really annoyed. And I don't think I've seen so many boobs in one movie before. That's a lie. But it was a lot.
Then I took a break and made some cookies. And jumped back in by watching one of my favorites, Backcountry which you can see the original review for here.
Alright I'm onto day three!
Stay spooky!
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