I apologize for the extreme time between my last post and this one. I have been extremely busy hoarding cardboard boxes, watching Duck Dynasty, and spending hours at Walmart. For some reason, every time I get paid, all I wanna do is go to Walmart. I wanna buy $1 candles, cheap ass DVDs, crayons, and hoard cleaning products. Oh lord, I love me some wally world. The irony of hoarding cleaning products is that I only clean when I'm mad. Which is rare. So right now there's piles of books everywhere, half packed cardboard boxes in the kitchen. An entire corner of the kitchen is so filled with empty cans, I can't remember if I put bags there first. I come home every day from work and think, tonight I will clean. And then I set reminders for My Crazy Obsession and suddenly my pants fall off, a cigarette lights itself, and my butt gets stuck to the couch.
It's a tough life.

Anyway, these past two months I've become addicted to reading dystopian fiction. It started with The Hunger Games, and hasn't stopped. And it got me to thinking about what I would do if the world turned upside down. I think of myself as a free, independent thinker who can live quite happily without a phone or internet. But if North Korea's rocket gets set off and crashes "randomly" in the U.S., or Iran gets cocky with their "experiments" I will truly be fucked. And if I do happen to survive past the first few days while my body goes through extreme withdrawal from energy drinks, I will not last much longer. I cannot hunt, I cannot tell which plants are edible and which will kill me in an instant. I will eat only grass. I cannot defend myself in any way, and my dog is just as useless.

I think back to the time Mitch, Tim, Erika, and I had to run for our lives from a pack of rowdy wolves. We had to run for like 2 minutes straight, hop in the jeep, and get the fuck out of there. But after a minute of running I honestly thought FUCK IT. LET THESE WOLVES TEAR ME TO PIECES AS LONG AS I DON'T HAVE TO RUN ANYMORE. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that no one knew Tony's favorite dog treats, and Mitch wouldn't know where I put anything in our apartment. Also I had to pee.

If I can't even run from real danger, like the threat of a wolf ripping my arm off and eating it, how on earth will I survive if a dystopian society ever came about.

All these books I've been reading have these strong female leads, who consider themselves weak until faced with danger in which they become strong enough to fight off three communists at once, and leap from building to building. Honestly, I was exhausted just reading the books.

Last night I watched Piers Morgan and learned of the captain who went nuts and ran around the plane screaming about Iraq and bombs. 7 passengers took him the fuck down and the co-pilot made an emergency landing. Oprah asked me if I thought, in a situation like that, that I would be one of the people who would take down the danger and save lives. The answer is no. I would be the one either reading a book and oblivious to everything happening, or convinced I was already dead and was figuring out where I hid Tony's birth certificate and who I should call about it.

Basically I have come to the conclusion, that much like black men in horror movies, I will die first in any situation.

Anyway, I have a horrible headache, and should go clean.

....hahahahahahahahaha. yeah right.