As a paranoid parrot, I sometimes question my interest in everything paranormal. Or perhaps by being a paranoid parrot I am simply more aware of the horrors in this world. And by horrors I mean the Cloverfield monster and possible alien attacks. Sometimes I'm sure the creators of paranoid parrot in fact fashioned the entire meme after me. I remember two summers ago when Mary and I were drinking in our special spot downtown when we witnessed an explosion and all the lights downtown went out. I braced myself for the statue of liberty head to come falling to the ground. Then I realized I was in Calgary, and waited for the top of the Calgary Tower to come flying out of nowhere. When that didn't happen I texted everyone I knew and warned them of a possible Cloverfield attack and then called my mom to tell her goodbye.

Turns out it was just an electricity box that blew.

And then when the same thing happened in Edmonton a few months ago. I instantly thought WHY DO I NOT OWN A VIDEO CAMERA?! And, STAY AWAY FROM THE UNDERGROUND TRAIN STATIONS.

Turns out, that was also just an electricity box.

I curse my parents for encouraging an over active imagination in an only child who always lived in big dark basements. And then allowing me at the age of 11 to go off and watch whatever horror movie I pleased. And also for making me watch Birds at 9 years old, forever encasing me in a phobia of all birds, mostly crows, and for letting me go over to my much more mature friend's house at 6 and view Jaws for the first time. THAT BLOOD LOOKED SO REAL. I didn't step into a swimming pool after that until age 12. (For some reason I thought sharks could live quite comfortable in chlorinated water). Hence why I cannot swim.

Today I had an extremely amazing conversation with my coworker who told me some horrifying ghost stories from her past. I got goosebumps. I also realized when I get truly scared I turn into a southern black woman and start praisin' jesus and fanning myself. I also get very loud and yell in a southern accent. Where this came from I do not know.

Perhaps in my past life I was a black woman with a dramatic flare. Actually, once I did a test online and it turned out in my past life I was a black man who was a warrior and a leader. So basically, I'm the wrong color. And you should always believe everything you read on the internet.

Now I'm watching Paranormal Activity 3 and trying to contain my OH LORD's and AMEN JESUS. At least I'm alone. Although that may not work out in my favor if there is indeed a demonic spirit lurking under my kitchen sink. Good thing I have salt water in a glass chillin near by. (This is actually for Tony's eye infection. But it's good to know I'm prepared.)

One last thought before I sign off and double check the door's locked;
Mitch and I broke out of our usual routine of either Denny's or Boston Pizza on the weekend and went to Moxie's. I found a Kid's menu lying under the table and was very disheartened to find that every meal on that menu seemed better than the actual adult menu. So I came up with a brilliant idea. An Adult Kid's menu for the plain eaters of the world. All you would have to do is mention quietly, so as not to embarrass your dining party (although I probably just embarrassed you by using the phrase 'dining party'),

HOLY SHIT PRAISE JESUS

....sorry...I just jumped out of my skin at this fucking movie. FUCK.

....anyway, where was I...so yeah, you'd ask for your adult kid's menu and sit comfortably down in those cramped booths where they seat 4 but decide to cram all 6 of you in there anyway. While your friends debated between food that doesn't even sound real and foreign spicy food you can't even pronounce, you can browse your adult kid's menu. What would be offered you ask? Exactly what's on the kids menu; grilled cheese, chicken fingers, a smiley face cheese pizza. Only it would be adult portions and prices. IT'S GENIUS.

Plain eaters of the world unite and demand an adult kid's menu. Actually, funny story; my parents had to ask for me to eat off the kid's menu until I was about the age of 14. When I got to be the lovely age of 14, waiters would start to say "We only serve up to 12 year olds on the kids menu" and then my parents would have to calmly explain I was a "picky" eater and would be more than willing to pay adult prices for the kid's meals.

Why does no one do this for me anymore?

Anyway, I was supposed to organize all my books tonight and put the one's up I don't want for sale. Then I started watching this movie. And now I'm too scared to go into the dark corner where I hoard my books. So look forward to my next blog hopefully being books for sale that you can buy from me (or trade) for extremely cheap as long as you come get them because I am a paranoid parrot and do not drive.

Goodnight ya'll....

....HOLY SHIT GOOD LORD JESUS.....seriously...fuck...watch this movie.