Horror Movies #1

I've decided to add to this blog a post (more than one eventually) about horror movie recommendations. And by recommendations I mean movies I've seen and need to keep track of, and movies most of you will think are awful.  I truly believe I have the worst taste in horror movies ever, but at least I'm not pretentious right? I could sit here and be like FRENCH HORROR FILMS ARE THE SHIT AND ANYTHING ELSE IS GARBAGE....YOU SUCK. Or tell you that the special effects were "sub par" and use language like "sell outs" and "i've seen every b-movie ever". I'm not going to compare directors and then get all fussy over the "repetitive story lines". You may go to r/horror for that. This is simply me, being a lover of all things horror, the cheesier the better (like my taste in potato chips) and sharing with you some movies that I love more than I love most of my friends on facebook.

(Keep in mind these are filled with spoilers since I have a knack for spoiling the end of every movie ever if you haven't seen it.) 
















FINAL DESTINATION 1-5
 I think I love these movies more than anyone I've ever met. Whenever I watch one I just freak the fuck out alone every time I notice a sign from death. It's like solving a mystery. Only...everyone dies...and death is always the killer...
The FD movies are always based on some freak accident that happens, but one of the people in the accident is actually viewing this as a premonition and so when they awake and start seeing the signs they save as many people as they can. But now they've screwed up death's design and so death is coming after them to tie up the loose ends.  Oh yeah, and there's always this creepy black guy that knows everything but never actually really helps them. He's ma fav~~
These movies are amazing simply because they play on every fear you've ever had. And create new ones like garb-orators, drive thrus, neon signs, BBQs, pool drains, and statues of Buddha. For a paranoid parrot like myself these movies are just the worst, yet the best. The only one I've seen once is The Final Destination, simply because of the ridiculous name and every time I mention it I have to exaggerate THE Final Destination. Except JK it wasn't the final one. Although technically it is. Since FD5 is the prequel. WHICH IS SOLID GOLD. Seriously. I had no idea when I watched #5 and I almost cried at the end because I was so happy. In fact, I probably did shed a tear.
The best part is just how violent the deaths are. It's like a slap in the face every time. And I'm not one for gore and violence really, but the FD franchise is just SO INTENSE that all I can do is give it respect.  I also love when franchises like FD do little shout outs for the fans that have followed every movie religiously.
Side note; the story line was originally written to be an X-Files episode. So, you know, FD and I are "destined" to be together. GET IT?!

THE MIST
Now, side story; when I first read this short story written by my beloved Stephen King, I was staying in Kelowna in a hotel by a lake. I read it one night and awoke the next morning to see nothing but mist outside of my window. That night I watched The Fog, then went for a walk along the beach with my Dad only to be confronted with more mist/fog and so I spent the rest of the vacation in my hotel room watch The Shining (we'll get to that) and reading Salem's Lot.
The story was always one of my favorite short stories and so when the movie came out I was a little hesitant. BUT....it was amazing. And I really don't get all the intense hate for this film. It's an awesome creature flick.
 It's basically about this weird mist that envelops a town after a big storm the night before. All the characters are stuck inside the grocery store when the mist starts to "attack". You watch as the characters deal with monsters trying to get in, deal with each other turning on the other, and how to escape this crazy unexplained mist.
It's not terrifying, but it stays with you when you finish it. In fact, I burst into tears when the movie ended. AND I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE....you cowards. The monster at the end is so bad ass and the characters are so emotional. I'm also a big nerd for when movies based on Stephen King stories show a little tribute to the man himself. I get all giddy and proclaim to the room LOOK! (although I am usually alone). Like how the bookshelf in the grocery store is filled with Stephen King books. LOVE THAT SHIT. Also Frank Darabont has adapted two other Stephen King books into films; The Green Mile, and The Shawshank Redemption.
Oh man, I'm nerding out hard right now. I've told you nothing of the movie, just fun facts about Stephen King. You now know what it's like to hang out with me.

AMERICAN PSYCHO
If anyone knows me even a little, you will know of my intense love of this movie. Patrick Bateman, you silly goose, you.  My twitter name is Patrick Bateman, and "I have to return some videotapes" is literally my "bio" for everything I have on the internet. If you do not like this movie, your point is no longer valid. Even if you don't like it, at least admit it's FUCKING AMAZING. I have it on blu ray and dvd, just in case something happens to one of them. And tbh I will probably be buried with at least one of the copies. The opening monologue of this movie will be read at my wedding, I swear. GOD...everything about this movie is amazing. The music, the humor, the dry wit, the fashion, the ending, the beginning, the middle, the credits.
I'm not even going to attempt to explain this plot to you because if you haven't seen it yet.....well...YOU SUCK. (ahahaha I did it, I'm sorry, I'm just as bad as r/horror).
I have also read the book, which made me almost vomit. But it was on the top ten list of most offensive books ever written and I said, "hey, challenge accepted." But tbh, and I rarely say this, I love the movie way more. Christian Bale is so flawless in this movie, that even to this day when I am watching the new Batman movies, I get confused. BATMAN WHERE IS YOUR CHAINSAW AND NAIL GUN AND RAIN COAT?
"This is not an exit."

THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN
Oh my gosh, I am a late comer to this movie, but I am so in love. I read a review for it at work a few months back and completely forgot about it 'till a few weeks ago when I realized Netflix had it. So I built a blanket fort, cracked open a soda, and fell in love.
As a brit I have always loved Vinnie Jones. I also happen to find him completely dashing, even when covered in blood....actually maybe more so. He's also the PERFECT antagonist. LOOK AT HIM. He's kind of intense. AND HE HAS NO LINES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except three words spoken at the end. I fucking loved that.
This movie is stunning, horrifying, flawless etc. I love the story line so much. Honestly, when I read the plot originally I was kind of daunted about the ending but when I actually watched it I was blown away.
To sum it up a New York photographer is out and about late at night trying to take amazing photos to get made into a gallery show. He notices Vinnie Jones lurking around on the train and realizes one of the girls he photographed the night before at the train station is now missing. He starts to investigate and gets all crazy about it and starts stalking poor Vinnie. Then his girlfriend gets involved and the whole thing goes to shit. It ends with them all fighting to the death on the train...BUT WAIT...what is lurking at that final stop? And why is the train filled with dead bodies? What needs feeding........

Leslie Bibb is kind of annoying though imo although I was saddened when she was murdered. But mostly because of the look on Bradley Cooper's face.
This is also based on a short story, written by Clive Barker who is phenomenal. And if you look closely you can actually see some of his paintings in this film.
I was a little turned off by some the scenes because of the torture. I'm the worst when it comes to torture. And when Roger Bart's character is hanging from meat hooks, ALIVE, and the train is swaying and they keep bumping into him, I almost puked. UGH. I had to close my eyes. Also when Vinnie's pulling out the teeth of that body, TOO MUCH. But it fits for the movie, and I respect that.
Honestly, this is one of the best horror movies I've seen in a long time, and I will probably rewatch it a few hundred times.
And obviously now I am terrified to be the last one on the train......

IDENTITY
I actually saw this in theaters when it came out a long time ago with my parents. And I always remember about halfway through the film my mom leaned over and whispered in my ear "I know who did it." She was right. She has a knack for those things. It also has a pretty good cast, including John Cusack who I LOVE LOVE LOVE. The twist ending is totally mind blowing, unless you are my mom, and every time I watch it I always get so excited because I know it's coming. Basically it's ten strangers stranded mysteriously at a motel and they all start getting killed off one by one. They all have sketchy past stories, and they all share the same birthday. But in fact they are all just different personalities of a schizophrenic who is trying to be cured by his psychologist. The doctor believes that the person who ends up living will be the best personality for the schizophrenic murderer and he will be able to live peacefully. Confused? Yeah, I was too. But the movie explains it all much better than I did and it's actually a pretty creepy movie.
Also there's a poem in it that creeped me out so bad when I first heard it that I became obsessed with it;
As I was going up the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today 
I wish, I wish he'd go away.
It was actually written a long time ago by Hughes Mearns and is called "Antigonish" if you would like to read the whole thing. (which I recommend because it is very creepy)


WOW. That was actually so much fun. I will totally do this again whether anyone reads these or not. YEY MOVIE REVIEWS AND FEELING LIKE YOU HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAAAAAAYYYYY.
Also feel free to comment and call me an idiot or freaking out because we are in love with the same movies.