Birthday Horror Movie Marathon DAY TWO

Well after a disastrous day I was finally able to watch some horror movies - I only got through two before heading to bed. But no fear - today I have the whoooooleeee day to pick up where I left off.

So first up I watched:

V/H/S (2012)

"Joey, you're all gonna fucking die up here"

First of all - I was convinced I'd already seen this because I've seen the other two, but after the first tape finished I realized I'd never seen this before in my life.

Second of all - all the men in this movie are awful and I was happy to watch them all die painful deaths.

V/H/S came out in 2012 and kind of reinvigorated the anthology series trope. It was created by Brad Miska who runs bloodydisgusting and features five stories and a wrap around. The wrap around was directed by Adam Wingard (You're Next, The Guest) and follows an awful group of guys, one who has a hipster pedo-stache, who basically exploit women and sell the tapes for money. They also break into an abandoned house and smash up all the windows most likely because they're bored and idiots. But a mysterious someone offers them a lot of money to break into a house and steal a single VHS tape and so this perverted, pile of human garbage decide to take up the offer.

When they enter the house they find an old man, who they assume is dead, and a tone of videotapes. While the group splits up to see if there are any more tapes, one guy stays behind and starts to watch them. But don't worry - they all get what they deserve. The flaw with this wraparound though is that it is basically unwatchable. The "found footage" element is so choppy and confusing that I couldn't even make out what they were doing half the time, and the guys are SO awful that I almost couldn't get through it.

The first tape is titled Amateur Night and is directed by David Bruckner. And surprise, surprise it's a bunch of gross horny bros who have bought themselves glasses with a camera in them so they can film themselves having sex. I hate all of them so much. After picking two girls up from a bar, they get more than they bargained for when they come face to face with a Siren.

I didn't really like this one. Again, it's virtually unwatchable. The only part I liked was when the Siren shows her true self and destroys all of the men one by one in very violent ways. The special effects makeup on the Siren was really awesome. 5/10

The second tape is titled Second Honeymoon and is directed by the amazing Ti West (The Innkeepers, The Sacrament). It's a married couple on vacation and at first all seems well until one night at the hotel the boyfriend reveals himself to be an ultra douche and tries to film him and his wife having sex even though she says no about 1000 times. They're interrupted by a knock at the door and a strange girl asking for a ride in the morning. That night the girl breaks into the hotel room and films the couple sleeping and she films putting the husband's toothbrush into the toilet.

This one was super confusing in a fun way and the ultimate reveal actually had me cheering. I loved this one! 9/10

The third tape is titled Tuesday the 17th directed by Glenn McQuaid and is a typical trope of friends going up to the lake for a weekend away. And guess what? The two guys are total douchebags. What a fun theme we're experiencing here. The one girl who invited them all is a little off and keeps making strange comments. It's then revealed that the year before her and her friends had come up here to the lake and they'd all been murdered except for her.

This was one was okay? The "entity" is a cool effect but ultimately I have no idea what it is or what is going on. 7/10

The fourth tape is titled The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She was Younger and it was directed by our boyfriend from Second Honeymoon, Joe Swanberg. This one might have been my favorite I think. A couple are video chatting while the boyfriend is away at school, his girlfriend Emily is saying that her arm is sore and she thinks her apartment's haunted. She calls him one night to show him the ghostly happenings.

This one actually scared the crap out of me! The first reveal when the little kid ghost comes running into the bedroom and slams the door had me SHOOK. This was a super fun short that had me questioning the whole way through and it completely paid off. I'm still a little unsure of the ultimate premise...is it ghosts...is it aliens? But I'm going with aliens because I can. SUPER FUN! I want a whole movie done of this premise. 10/10



The final tape (which plays after pedo-stache is finally killed and I cheered really loudly) is called 10/31/98 and is directed by Radio Silence (Devil's Due, Southbound). This one was quite fun too. A group of guys (not douchebags for once) go out to a Halloween party but get the wrong house. They sneak inside and think it's a haunt because crazy things are happening like doors slamming and footsteps and hands coming out of the walls. They have a tone of fun with it until they reach the attic and begin to realize this isn't fake.

The effects were super fun in this one! Love some good poltergeist activity done right. 9/10

Overall V/H/S was not as good as the other ones. But maybe if I'd watched them in the right order, this one would've been my favorite. But I had some fun watching it - although there were so many "bros" that I was getting really annoyed. And I don't think I've seen so many boobs in one movie before. That's a lie. But it was a lot.

Then I took a break and made some cookies. And jumped back in by watching one of my favorites, Backcountry which you can see the original review for here.

Alright I'm onto day three!

Stay spooky!

Birthday Horror Movie Marathon DAY ONE

 
WHAT A FUCKING DISASTER TODAY WAS!!!!!!!! No power, cleaning dog piss off of my bed sheets in the dark in the bath tub, and starving.

But first....let's get to the good stuff:

Yesterday was my 28th birthday! My friends went above and beyond and spoiled me with many amazing gifts....including this:

When you gotta work in the morning but murder in the afternoon

And then threw me a surprise party:

 

Talentcorpse made an appearance

My birthday party outfit

Then I came home and baked myself a birthday cake:

I am the real cake boss

Oh, and because you guys know the only thing I love as much as horror movies is Star Wars, the beautiful Rupy made me my own snap chat filter:

Then Mitch and I went for a yummy fish and chip dinner before coming home and starting the horror movie marathon. Unfortunately we could only get through two last night because I am an old lady now and I can't stay up later than 10pm.

And since Mitch was watching with me I catered the first two movies so as not to freak him out. First up we watched Ghostwatch which Shudder recently got. I watched Ghostwatch for the first time a few years ago on youtube and it was really bad quality but Shudder got their hands on a beautiful copy and it was amazing to watch it properly for the first time.

GHOSTWATCH

 

What's Ghostwatch? Well, it's basically the predecessor to The Blair Witch and Paranormal Activity. It was a made-for-tv film that was broadcast on Halloween night in England in 1992 on the BBC. But it was never aired again. Stephen Volk created this beast and duped the Halloween viewing audience into thinking the events unfolding were really happening. It takes on the appearance of a broadcast where a news reporter is sent into a supposedly haunted house in an attempt to find out what's really going on. It jumps back and forth from the reporter in the house with the family, to the reporter and news crew outside the house, to the news reporter and doctor inside of the studio. There's fake calls coming into the studio and fake scientific footage shown and things get really fucking crazy.

The in-studio news personality was the famous Michael Parkinson and the reporter who enters the haunted house was Sarah Greene. Enough people in England believed what they were seeing was real and when they found out they'd been duped, thousands of complaints were filed with the BBC and Ghostwatch was left to die on a basement shelf.

Ghostwatch is a lot of fun to watch. It plays a lot like most mockumentary type horror films nowadays where nothing much of anything happens for the first hour and then shit hits the fan for the last half hour. Watching a proper version of it on a proper TV this time I noticed a lot of things I had missed that made it even more fun. Mitch and I had a lot of fun trying to spot the ghostly figure every time it pops up. And the poltergeist activity is incredibly well done. It really is hilarious to watch now and then see so many tropes that are used endlessly nowadays in found footage horror films.



Obviously the underlining story of Ghostwatch takes heavy influence of the Enfield Haunting (you can read all about that haunting on one of my previous posts if you click here) with the two young girls being the focus of a poltergeist. There's some photos shown as evidence that are very similar to the original photos from that case. But in Ghostwatch the story is never clearly defined except for this ghostly figure called "pipes". There are various origin stories shared and even one that perhaps the ground itself is to blame from prehistoric time. But ultimately it's up to you as the viewer to choose your ending. 

Fantastic performances by everyone involved and a really fun film to watch alone, or with some friends. And if you haven't signed up for Shudder yet, you're an idiot and I hope you get your life together.

Solid 10/10

Me and Mitch really want to find a replica of that hilarious framed ghost photo above the fireplace to put above our TV. If anyone knows where we can find one....comment below or tweet me.

Now the second movie I showed Mitch was What we do in the Shadows because it's become one of my favorite films ever. Aside from everything that is brilliant about this film, what I want to mention is that it never loses its funny. I've seen this movie at least 20 times since it came out. I have it on my itunes and I watch it a lot when I'm falling asleep. But yet even after all that, watching it last night with Mitch I was still laughing out loud. Written and directed by Jermaine Clement and Taika Waititi it is a mockumentary following the lives of four vampires living in New Zealand.

It may be one of the funniest films I've ever seen. I'm constantly quoting it and explaining it doesn't do it justice. Seeing the vampires watch a sunset for the first time on youtube, or listening to a group of werewolves remind each other we're werewolves, not swear-wolves cannot be given enough explanation. I already reviewed this movie when I watched it the first time, and you can read that here but I implore you to watch this movie.

It's also a great introduction to horror because while it is hilarious, there are a few "jump scare" moments and quite a lot of gore.

Anyway, here's today's update....

I woke up, watched the new episode of Rupaul's Drag Race, went to Safeway for food and was planning my movie list for the day only to arrive home to the power being out. So that squashed my marathon plans. Instead I finished my re-read of IT and made some headway on my annual re-read of the Harry Potter series. And while doing that, Obie decided to piss all over my blankets and carpet for some annoying reason and so I found myself squatting over the bathtub with a candle trying to scrub piss out of my blanket with cold water because the hot water wasn't working.

BUT

The power is back, I can finally make some hot food, and I will use the evening to get back to my marathon. Hopefully nothing happens tomorrow so I can actually wake up and do a proper all day marathon. GYPSY CURSE STRIKES AGAIN! Serving Thinner realness.

Lastly,
I would like to thank all my amazing friends and boyfriend (who bought me a robotic BB-8 that rolls around our house scaring the dogs and being adorable) for making this years' birthday the BEST ONE YET. You are all wonderful people who I would be absolutely lost without.

Now leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet.

And don't forget to follow me on twitter where I'll be live-tweeting the evening.

Stay spooky!

Upcoming Birthday Horror Movie Marathon ~~

 
Guys, it's my birthday this month!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm turning 28 and in honor I'm throwing myself a party. Because literally no one ever has thrown me a birthday party before so I need to take it into my own hands.

And by party....I mean watching horror movies by myself for two days straight.

I'll start on Friday afternoon, the 21st of April, my actual birthday. I'll make a blanket nest on my living room floor and eat my birthday cake. Which I'm making myself and will probably turn out awful since it has to be gluten free and I can't cook. BUT it's the thought that counts....for myself...

Then Saturday I'll wake up early, walk the dogs, and then...sit back into the blanket nest, eat more cake and watch horror movies all day.

Then Sunday....you guessed it...more horror movies. But this time I'll be venturing out of the house to go watch the new found footage alien film; Phoenix Forgotten. Then I'll come right back and get to it.

So anyway....what would be fun is to watch 28 horror movies that weekend in honor of myself because I'm egotistical like that but that is basically impossible. I'm honestly just going to go through my DVD collection and watch all the ones I haven't watched yet, good or bad, then go onto Shudder.

If you want to follow along with me during my birthday marathon and keep me company, I'll be live tweeting and snapchatting the whole damn weekend:

Click here for twitter

Snapchat username is:

And I'll do a few blog posts tracking everything with mini reviews!

And that's that! Come keep me company for my birthday, cause lord knows no one else in my life wants to watch horror movies for two days straight!

Stay spooky!

Ps; I was going to come up with a super snazzy name for this event but it got too depressing spending so much time thinking about a name for a solo birthday event so I went with just stating the obvious...