VAMPIRES (1998)
Forget whatever you've seen in the movies: they don't turn into bats, crosses don't work. Garlic? You wanna try garlic? You could stand there with garlic around your neck and one of these buggers will bend you fucking over and take a walk up your strada-chocolata WHILE he's suckin' the blood outta your neck, all right?
Jack Crow's parents were killed by vampires when he was a kid and he was taken in by the church and raised to be a Master Slayer. Now, as an adult, he works alongside a team of vampire hunters ridding the world of these monsters. After destroying a nest, the team are confused that they couldn't find the Master, who never strays far from a nest. They head back to their motel and begin to party with some hookers and a police officer because this is the 90's and that's what you do. But the Master shows up during the party and destroys basically everyone. He's the most powerful Master Vampire they've ever encountered.
Jack survives along with Tony and they discover one of the prostitutes, Katrina, has been bitten so they take her with them. After 48 hours she will have a psychic connection with the Master and they are going to use her to find him.
But when Jack checks in with his boss, the Cardinal, he is informed that this Master Vampire is the strongest one ever, his name is Valek. Now Jack, Tony, Katrina, and their newest team member - Father Adam must hunt down Valek and fight for their lives to save the world.
Alright...so what did I love about this movie?
- The lore was really cool - Valek's story about him being the first vampire was fucking bad ass. And the fact that the church created him by accident was so great. And...inversion exorcism? HELLO?! THAT IS AMAZING!!!
- When Valek destroyed the party it was pretty bad ass. He punched right through a guy!!
- The treatment of Katrina in this film...oh my god....I was screaming. She's constantly referred to as a whore, or a bitch. She's tossed around like a rag doll. At one point Tony ties her up naked. Tying her up I'm like...okay she's turning into a violent vampire I'm with you. Tying her up naked? WHY? WTF WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
- Why did they keep shooting the vampires? Bullets don't work, they barely slow them down yet these guys are running away spraying them with bullets and then like...oh fuck...they're still coming after us...errrr YEAHDUH.
Overall?
In this western-ish horror movie, Carpenter is really the only saving factor. The acting is sometimes very over the top and cheesey. Which I get is much like westerns but I wasn't fond of it. It's very loosely based on the book Vampire$ which is the worst title ever, but weirdly I still want to read it?
I had fun watching it but I probably won't watch it again. When I finished it I was pumped but now that I'm thinking about it I'm more like mehhhh.
6/10
Stay spooky!
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