Alright, here we are....day one of the End of Christmas Horror Realness Challenge or whatever I called it while I was on a sugar high the other day. I've just finished the first movie and am completely freaking out because it was actually terrifying...I ACTUALLY GOT SCARED FOR ONCE!!!!!!!
We'll jump right into that but first two important things:
1) There's a new promotional picture released of Pennywise from the upcoming IT movie. There was an accidental release over the weekend but they got rid of that real quick. So here's the actual legit one:
First thoughts?
What are the logistics of this photo? Is he flying? Why does it look like he's about to be shot out of a cannon?
Second thoughts?
Fuck. yes.
And to all those online complaining that Pennywise looks "too much like a clown"....you are dumb and I hate everything about you. Pennywise is a fucking clown and that's why he's scary. He needs to look like a clown. That's the damn point.
IT creeps into theaters September 8th and stars Bill Skarsgard as Pennywise.
2) Christmas Eve night blessed us which something much better than Santa....mother fuckin' alien covenant trailer ya'll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it is absolutely amazing. That face hugger, that final scene in the shower, that creepy ass cover of that song....SO MANY THINGS ARE RIGHT!!!!!!!! I immediately watched it three times in a row, yelled at Mitch about it, and have lost count of how many times I've watch it since. MY BODY IS SO READY FOR THIS MOVIE. And based on the trailer...we will not be let down.
Alright....let's jump into my first movie for the day:
THE AUTOPSY OF JANE DOE (2016)
"Leave the 'why' to the cops and the shrinks, we're just here to find cause of death, no more, no less."
In a small town, cops are called to the house of what appears to be a home invasion. Dead bodies, gore, blood. But no attempt to break in. In fact, it seems as if the home owners were trying to break out. In the basement the cops find the dead body of a young woman coming out of the dirt.
The main coroner in town is Tommy Tilden who runs the Tilden Morgue and Crematorium along with his son, Austin. The morgue has been in their family for generations and is in the basement of their home. The mysterious young woman's body is taken to the morgue and the Sheriff asks them to find cause of death overnight leaving Tommy and Austin to work through the night.
As the father and son begin, they start to discover strange things about this body. The outside shows no sign of damage but internally it is a mess. Her tongue is severed, her wrists and ankles are shattered, and her lungs are burned. As a massive storm rolls in the two men are about uncover something they may never be able to explain.
How did this woman die? And why do the lights keep flickering and the radio changing channels? And what happened to the other bodies in the morgue?
Alright...what did I love about this movie?
First of all...this is the first movie in YEARS that actually scared me. I was screaming, gasping, getting goosebumps and at one point realized I was yelling out loud; WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BODIES?!
Outstanding performances from Emile Hirsch and Brian Cox.
This is an incredibly tense movie and there's one particular build that had me completely on edge to the point of having a heart attack.
Beautifully directed by Andre Ovredal.
Those fucking bells ya'll, I'm forever going to lose my shit when I hear a bell.
The continuous shots of Jane Doe's eyes are so unnerving.
What didn't I love?
- There was this scene where Austin was talking with his girlfriend about leaving the town and his Dad, but it's never really brought up again and I felt that was a sort of forced and pointless moment.
Seriously, this is THE movie for this year. It is terrifying. And I do not scare easily. But I was jumping and screaming and losing my mind. I was muttering "no, no, no" every time it go so intense. I was honestly forgetting to breath. When the movie ended my fridge made a weird sound and I screamed out loud. My neighbors are probably quite concerned right now.
This is amazingly directed - every moment is so specific to keep you completely on edge. This is a simple story that works so incredibly well and the atmosphere is perfect.
This is my dream career. Seriously, I've threatened a few times at work to quit and become a mortician. So I really felt a connection to this film. But it also felt so accurate. I love See No Evil 2 but sometimes you're annoyed because you know a lot of what is happening isn't accurate to the job. This movie is gory but feels right for what is going on. It doesn't shy away from the autopsy.
I will aggressively recommend this to anyone who will listen.
A solid 10/10.
Onto the next!
Stay spooky!
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