First of all; HAPPY INTERNATIONAL TOM HANKS DAY!!!! But most likely when I end up posting this it will not be Tom Hanks day so...forget about it. In my world every day is Tom Hanks day, amiright?
Second of all; I just noticed I have over 1000 views on this blog so I would like to thank everyone who has stayed true to reading it and putting up with the fact that I actually never post. I appreciate it, it really is an honor that anyone would spend 5 minutes reading the garbage I spill out onto my key board. So thank you. You smell like sunshine. And I love you.

Time for my excuse as to why I haven't posted in so long, only this time it's for a great reason;
I have been working. I am still temping, but my contract with my current company keeps getting extended so it's been really wonderful. I work with some awesome people in a great office with a stunning view.
The other reason would be because The Hobbit came out on DVD....soooo.....yeaaaahhhh.....
I actually may or may not be watching it as I type this blog. But Mitch is out of the house so I can get away with it. I also recently purchased The Lord of the Rings trilogy on blu ray which comes with 15 discs and hours upon hours of the making of. So....ya know...keeping busy.

I've also been distracted by my hot mess of a dog who has fleas. It's an on going battle with invisible creatures that torment our puppy and wallets. I came home one day after work to find chunks of fur all over the place and to find my sad little guy with bald patches on his ears and stomach. So we took him to the vet and are slowly cleaning him up. At one point he had one really short ear where Mitch had cut off the matted fur at the end, and one long ass matted ear and he looked like a total idiot. It's awful. I hate fleas so much, and I can't even lash out at them because they're ridiculously speedy and hidden.
But he is doing much better, he had his second flea drop today and got a hair cut. He still hates everything and everyone so he's pretty much back to normal. Although today I de-flead our bedroom and so had to quarantine everyone from the room. Which meant Tony was forced to hang out with me all night on the couch. Which he hated.

Last weekend Mitch and I went and saw Evil Dead and it was so ridiculously amazing. It rained blood and I rained tears of happiness. I almost forgot about The Hobbit. Almost.
The Walking Dead is over for this season. My spirit animal Merle was killed and I cried for a week straight about it. Actually I knew it was going to happen ahead of time and when Mitch and I started watching the episode and they played the "previously on The Walking Dead" and it was all images of Merle, he just looked over at me and said, "Are you crying already??" And I sniffed, and wiped away a single tear and said no.
RIP SWEET PRINCE.
But it's all swell because next weekend I will be meeting the actor that plays Merle, Michael Rooker, along with many others at Vancouver's very own; FAN EXPO!! I'm incredibly excited and would like to thank Oprah for buying me the tickets. She is the greatest, most wonderful person in the world. Her and her boyfriend just purchased a puppy, a little corgi, named Obie. I am finally a God Mother and I'm so so so happy for her and can't wait for the never ending stream of photos.
Next Sunday is also my 24th birthday. So needless to say I will be celebrating it the right way; hanging out by myself at Fan Expo and trying to convince Sean Astin to go on a goonie/hobbit adventure with me.
In other TV show news, because you all care so much, I'm currently enjoying the premier seasons of Bates Motel and Hannibal. They are spooky and perfect and making me nostalgic. I have very fond memories of watching Psycho with my Mom and Dad when I was young, and watching Silence of the Lambs with my Dad whenever it was on TV. I have them completely to blame for my love of horror. No matter how much they deny it.
I'm also loving the new season of Community, especially this weeks puppet episode. New Girl is as funny as ever and Nick Miller needs to be a real person and come be my other best friend.
After many months of Mitch trying to get me to watch The Wire, I have finally agreed to start. We are two episodes left of season one and I love it very much.

I always feel bad when I ignore people's recomendations for TV shows, but ya'll need to understand that once I find a TV show I like, it takes over my entire life. Which is why I am always extremely hesitant to let a new one in because then Supernatural will get jealous.
.....Obviously.

We recently had a long weekend for Easter and the weather was stunningly beautiful. I spent the whole weekend at the dog park with Tony, reading and getting sun burnt. I now have the stupidest tan on my ankles. We also had friends over a lot that weekend and none of them would watch The Hobbit with me but let me play the new Walking Dead game while they drank and actually hung out like normal people do, around me.

Thursday and Friday I took advantage of the free gym at my work. It was horrible. I am literally just working out so I can eat more cheeseburgers. Which I think is the only reason anyone should work out. I am awful at it as well. I just sweat profusely, get really red in the face, and glare at all the fit people around me who actually know what they're doing. But I will keep it up. Like I said...so I can eat all the garbage I already eat, but no longer feel a sense of guilt.
Everyone around me is greatly surprised about my new gym plan. Probably because I get out of breath walking up the stairs and would only ever run if a zombie were chasing me. And even then...I mean...it would have to be a particularly scary zombie....

I had an awkward moment at work on Friday morning. I was leaving the train station when I almost got hit by a car. Completely the guy drivings fault. Then I got into work and hopped into the elevator, only to share it with the guy who was driving. And then I thought about the movie Devil and what would happen if the elevator just stopped and it was me and him and shit got crazy. Luckily he got off at floor 4 so I didn't have to spend too much time dwelling on our future horror adventures together.

I've been sick for about a week and a half now which has been pretty awful. But I refused to stay home from work because I love money. I'm still getting over it today and have been spending a lot of time hacking up phlegm like a true beauty. 

Thorin just arrived on screen. 'Sup you majestic beast.

I wish I had funnier things to tell you, but honestly I had so many hilarious situations to tell ya'll about but now that I'm sitting here I'm drawing a blank.
So I solemnly swear (that I am up to no good) to start blogging more, simply so I can remember what the hell has been going on in my life and amuse everyone with my misfortunes.

Have a wonderful day, don't cry too much over Merle, and enjoy The Hobbit for the 100th time....oh wait, that's me.

love you forever merle /sobbing

After being jobless and a loser for three months, I go back to work next week. It's only for a month but it's better than nothing. So this is my last week of freedom for awhile. And how am I celebrating it? By staying up till 3 am and going to the library when I finally drag my ass out of bed. Also re-watching old seasons of parks and recreation, taking a virtual tour of Auschwitz simply because you can, making giant lists of things I never complete, and working on me and Oprah's project.

My biggest fear about going back to work? Having separation anxiety from my dog. I may have to set up some sort of answering machine in our bedroom so I can call and leave him messages multiple times during the day so he doesn't forget the sound of my voice. Or maybe I could just bring him with me; he's small, and a mute freak, I'm sure no one would notice. Although that might get me fired. And if I get fired from a TEMPORARY JOB....I will just give up on everything and beg for change outside of 7/11. Maybe someone will buy me a Monster.

The last little while has been completely uneventful. Although I did leave the house more times than I usually do so ya know...baby steps. Mitch's band played a show on Thursday. I always feel so out of place at those events simply because I shower. I also have no idea what anyone is talking about and usually just stand around awkwardly gazing off into the distance as if I'm thinking of something really important and therefore busy. My shoes got stuck to the floor. And I was scared to lean against the wall in case it either fell over or covered me in dirt. My 16 year old self would be horrified at how I've turned out. But you know what 16 year old Charlotte? You were kind of the worst. So...suck it. I live in Vancouver and have a boyfriend with a beard. HA!
We ended up biking there though which was really awesome, biking along the sea wall is kind of breath taking and you just get really sappy and emotional and end up having multiple conversations about how this city is better than everything else ever.

Our weekend was actually pretty awesome. If you consider the same things we do awesome. Friday night we had a yummy meal at Denny's where I ordered my usual; chicken fingers, whipped potatoes, garlic bread, french fries, and extra gravy. I wish I could eat that every day. But it's a lot of work and I hate cooking. We then wandered around Best Buy and EB Games and debated for hours over what video games to buy. We didn't buy any. Headed home with cheesies and monster and stayed up 'till 2am silently playing video games together. We are the best. Then we spent all day Saturday and Sunday playing more video games.

Obviously Sunday was the new Walking Dead episode which was amazing as usual. Because that show is flawless and beautiful and I cry every time I think about it. And Merle Dixon is my spirit animal. And Rick is so sexy and sad and sweaty in crazy town. UGH WHY IS THIS SHOW SO PERFECT?!

Our building's water is getting shut off all day tomorrow and I'm kind of freaking out about it for no reason. I just keep picturing myself dying of thirst and bathing in the toilet bowl water. But since it's turning back on at 5:30 pm, and I'm spending most of the afternoon at the library, I am clearly over worrying. Which is something I do extremely well. But I will be filling up multiple glasses and bowls of water to keep in the fridge just in case the apocalypse happens while this is all going down.

I'm also waging a battle between night time Charlotte and day time Charlotte. At night when I'm up super late I always get hungry and make food and just make this giant mess in the kitchen. I just think, it's okay, future Charlotte will clean it up in the morning. Then I wake up and I'm like UGH PAST CHARLOTTE YOU ARE THE WORST, clean up after yourself you slob. It's an on going battle. With insanity.

Anyway, late night ramblings over.
My head is pounding and I have a 6 part series on Auschwitz to watch. Because that's how I get down on a Monday night.
I just found an eyelash in my mouth.
Calculater!

Community Season Four Episode One "History 101"
Recap

Annnnnnd we're back....
Hello Human Beings! Yesterday we were finally graced with October 19th which means the new episode of Community. I was not disappointed. And I'm sure you weren't either. Because let's face it....it's a new community episode. It could be 30 minutes of Chang staring straight into the camera and I'd still be happy.
But obviously that didn't happen.
We open on Tory and Abed with their famous tune and complete with a laugh track. Everyone has decided to jump on the hipster trend and started wearing fake glasses, because "It's cool...but also not?" Fred Willard guests stars in this episode and plays Pierce in our opening scene.

 Of course once Pierce shows up wearing his own hipster glasses, which for Pierce isn't vintage, but normality, everyone else takes them off.
Then we realize that this isn't our new network friendly Community, it's all in Abed's brain. Britta, who is clearly the worst as she is STILL wearing her hipster glasses, has decided to "therapize" Abed who is stressed out about it being the last, first day of school. She tells him to go to his happy place which is Abed TV.

CUE NEW THEME MUSIC ALL ABOUT ABED AND HIS WONDERFUL LIFE.
Seriously this part made me so happy. Annie's boobs! Annie's purple pen! Evil Abed! Jeff and Britta making out! Fred Willard! So many memories.

So the group heads off onto their last, first day of school but of course, Jeff is late. They're all planning on taking the History of Ice Cream class, which would be the worst class if you were lactose intolerant. Pierce gets excited about being a senior....it's only taken him ten years. Annie has decided to let loose and play pranks, also stop using the letter 'g'. If she said Jeff Winger....it would be Jeff Winner.....just sayin'.

The group finds out that the History of Ice Cream has been overbooked, but luckily Jeff has saved them all a seat. CRISIS ALERT! NEW JEFF! But then the Dean comes along and tells them that the seats were picked unfairly and so the school must compete in.....

THE HUNGER DEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then Jeff admits that he was busy over the summer taking classes so all he needs is this one history credit and he can graduate early. Everyone freaks out, Jeff apologizes for not telling them sooner, he says he was working on a speech for that. Maybe that's what he's texting all the time? He's just compiling speeches for future scenarios. To win The Hunger Deans you must play the games to compete for a red ball. Each red ball is a seat in the class. Jeff promises to get 7 balls so that the group can have one last class together. Abed begins to panic.

We are taken back into Abed TV where we learn that the Dean has lost the student records! Oh no! The group has to repeat the first three years all over again! .....this is literally every Community fan's dream. But in the real world we get to see asian Annie again as she competes along side Jeff for a red ball. Shirley and Annie are living life as seniors and pulling a prank on the Dean. Only in true Annie fashion her prank is moving everything on the Dean's desk an inch to the left, EXCEPT THE STAPLER. A prank on a prank. Genius. But Shirley decides they should pop popcorn in the Dean's car instead.


Britta and Troy, who are now dating, have decided to throw pennies in the wishing well (because every community college has a wishing well....and the history of ice cream....I love you Greendale.) and make some wishes for the new year. Britta britta's the wishes and chooses "to end all wars." Which gets Troy freaking out because...

In a great scene where Annie and Shirley are calmly filling the Dean's car with popcorn we realize that Abed isn't the only one scared of graduating, so is Annie. Meanwhile Jeff is still busy winning red balls and chooses the Dean as his partner in the next game; the tango. Abed disappears back into Abed TV where we find the group screwing up a freshman mixer and having season one type shenanigans. But oh no! Annie found the safe where the student records were held! Turns out they won't have to repeat the first three years after all. Community fans all around the world begin to cry.

Jeff, while dancing quite beautifully with the Dean, speaks aloud his realization that this was all just a big scheme put on by the Dean so that Jeff wouldn't graduate early. Dean faked the ice cream flyers and got rid of the only other history credit that Jeff could've taken. Oh Dean. I was very impressed with his many costume changes this episode. Can we get a counter going?

Currently on Abed TV, Abed is panicking again so Britta tells him to go into his happy place....inside his happy place. Which in turn leads to THE GREATEST TV SHOW EVER MADE;

COMMUNITY BABIIIIIEEEESSSSSS which is a never ending show that lasts forever and ever. Seriously, not only is Abed batman now, he is also the Community fandom in a nutshell. "Greendale babies will be back....FOREVER!"
In real, real life Britta realizes she's broken Abed, Jeff realizes that New Jeff is kind of sucky, and Leonard steals all their balls. Dammit Leonard. Troy tries to bring the group together to rescue Abed from Abed TV by getting inside Abed's mind.

Unfortunately that doesn't work, since no one in that group can read minds. But luckily in Abed TV; Greendale Babies, Baby Jeff is here to save the day and bring the group back together again.

Abed returns to the real world where we realize that actually Abed made up the speech and no one heard it. Yet it brings the group together again anyway so everyone is happy again. Hopefully this means Jeff won't graduate early, but who knows. The Dean shows up outside Jeff's apartment and lets him know that the real history class is back for the semester and SURPRISE! THEY'RE NOW NEIGHBORS. Sneaky Dean. I love it.
And in the last few minutes of the show we get the greatest news ever...

CHANGNESIA IS REAL.

Did you love it or hate it? All I know is, WHO CARES CAUSE COMMUNITY IS BACK. And if you've seen the epic trailer for the rest of the season, our minds are going to be blown. The Halloween episode looks amazing, we might get to meet Jeff's dad?! Ahhhhhhhh......

Hello fellow nerds,
It is 1 am and I am wide awake as per usual. Although I usually don't post these late night blogs 'till the next day when people are actually awake to read it.
A few exciting things have happened in the past few days. I have a new job opportunity and am now just waiting for work. So very soon hopefully I will back on the 9-5 grind and sleeping at normal hours.....maybe. I can pay off my bills and finally get my shit together. I can kick stress in the butt.

I have a book coming out soon available for purchase through amazon. It is a small collection of some of my poems. I am so excited for this, grateful for the opportunity, and more than a little nervous to let everyone read my poems. BUT it's a step in the right direction. I will post the link up on this blog when it all comes together and is available for purchase. And if this one sells, I will probably consider releasing another small book of poems.

It is now only a week until the new Walking Dead episode. And yes this counts as something exciting happening in my life because I am a giant TWD nerd and prouuuuudddd. Sunday they released the two minute sneak peak of episode 3X09 and I cried like a baby. Much like I have cried like a baby throughout all the previews that have been released. I won't speak about it here since I understand some people are not as obsessed with spoilers as I am and avoid them like the plague. BUT....we are in for one hell of an episode. And second half of the season. Now if only my Rick Grimes action figure would arrive in the mail in time........#amazongodshearmycall #hashtaggingoutsideoftwitter
Then I can have Shane and Rick reunited and besties again.

I feel like I'm one of the only Shane fans out there. I took part in an interesting discussion the other night, the question posed was "What would the group dynamic be like now if Shane had never died?" I put a lot of thought into it and I have to say that Shane would fit in with the group now far better than he did in season two. If you think about it; the decisions being made and actions being taken in season 3 are mirror images of the ones Shane made in season 2. Only in S2 Shane was frowned upon for making those tough calls. And as much as I love me some Rick Grimes, homeboy is losing his mind. And maybe Shane lost his a long time ago, but if the two of them were in the prison together, they would have each other's back in the calls being made. I also like to imagine Daryl, Rick, and Shane as this unstoppable force and they're all the three best friends that anyone could have.....

Oprah and I are also currently involved in a little project which is really exciting and fun. It's part of the reason I am up so late. I am honored to be working with my best friend of ten years on this project and whether it ends up going nowhere or it ends up working in our benefit, I don't care. 'Cause I love that silly bitch, and together we are unstoppable. I will speak more about this project later when it's a little more evolved.

So basically my life is finally coming together, I'm feeling very positive and upbeat about the places I am going and looking forward to the rest of 2013 being as great as it already has been.

I spoke to my papa on the phone on Sunday who I have posted about here before, (check out his fashion blog HERE and his food blog HERE) about book and film reviews. I was reluctant to post them because I can't see why anyone would care what I have to say. But basically (and I'm dumbing down the conversation completely) he said fuck it, post whatever you want, it's your blog.

With that being said, I'm going to post a little review for The Walking Dead: Rise of the Governor in a day or so since this entry has turned into a TWD fap post and because I just started the sequel and am really excited. And also because those books get a lot of hate and it is not needed.

ALSO (repetition wheeee) I'm re-watching season two and Herschel just shouted "GET OFF MA LAND" and I always laugh because I'm like Herschel...this ain't the 30's...get your head outta your ass. PS; Spoiler alert Herschel; you're going to lose a leg. Have fun you grumpy old man.

Goodnight ya'll (or good day....obviously...)

Good late night friends,
Tomorrow I have an extremely important job interview which I am very excited for. But since my sleeping patterns are not normal I am awake at 1:30 am and embracing it. I am just accepting that I will be tired as balls tomorrow when I have to wake up early. But that's what makeup and energy drinks are for. For some crazy ass reason I am also currently watching Paranormal Activity 4. That's right. #4 and counting. I love when horror movie franchises refuse to give up. Except Texas Chainsaw because I recently read an article and found out they have been given a shit tone of money to make SEVEN MORE SEQUELS. But not to the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or the terrifying remake. But the abomination that is Texas Chainsaw (we are too cool for a massacre). RAAAAGGEEEEEEE on you texas chainsaw, RAGE ON YOU. Of course, if it were up to me I would take all that money and make 5 more Final Destination movies and 2 more Scream movies. Which is why I don't make those decisions. NO WAIT...5 more FD movies, 1 more Paranormal Activity, and 1 Scream......I need to put more thought into this. Maybe if I spread the budget thinner.....

Anyway, I am watching Paranormal Activity 4 alone (well, Tony's here) at 1:30 am and being brave and not screaming and/or crying and/or peeing a little bit. But I'm only 11 minutes in. So...ya know. I'll get back to you on that one. But the creepy kid in this film is really cute. The evil ones always are. Damien from The Omen? Adorable, psychotic, the antichrist, whatever. Aiden from The Ring; kind of a freak, but super adorbs with the big old bags under his eyes. Gage from Pet Sematary; little blonde knife wielding possessed psycho. But those baby blues!

I believe our apartment is haunted. When I first moved in the faucet turned on by itself, which I learned a long time ago is actually physically impossible from a plumbing standpoint. And the other night Mitch said I woke him up at 5:30 am by getting out of bed. WHICH I DID NOT. So something else was moving on the bed that woke him up. And it wasn't Tony, because he barely moves the bed when he rolls around since he is like 10 pounds. (Also he sleeps on my feet and sometimes tries to sleep on my chest and smother me) Freaaaakkkkyyyyy. But also exciiiiiiting. I tried to do a little research on our place but all I could find was that it was built in 1984. Bummer. BUT...that gives us a long time for some spooooooooky deaths to have happened.

Also I smell sulfur right now......so demons? And there's weird noises coming out from our heating vent.....

Waaaaahhhh Paranormal Activity 4 is scarrriiinnggg meeee. I can't not say this movie title without saying it really quickly in my head but drawing out the fourrrrrrr. Just like I can't say The Final Destination without emphasizing the "THE".
I'm turning it off. I am not as brave as I like to think. Which is not brave at all.

So in other news, Oprah and I are going to start writing screen plays, most likely in the horror genre, and harass people until they buy them. I wrote a screen play when I was like 12 which was basically a rip off of Halloween and Scream. I forced my friends to act in it and covered everyone in fake blood which was made out of that nesquik strawberry milk syrup. Basically what I'm telling you is I'm already a pro and to expect a new horror movie franchise with 10 movies in it coming to a theater near you.

We've also decided (because Oprah and I are geniuses) that if I were to ever have a child we would raise it to believe that we had survived a zombie apocalypse before it was born. We would piece together news footage from various zombie films and pretend it was real news footage that we had saved. We would take random photoshoots of us during said apocalypse and keep an old iphone filled with the photos to use as proof. And we would sit around our fireplace and drink brandy and gaze off into the distance and tell my made up child war stories of the apocalypse. It's genius. And then when the child grows old enough to realize we made it all up and The Walking Dead is a comic book not a real life story in which Oprah and I starred, I would pay for it's therapy 'till the day I died.
This is why I will never have children. And why I will not be allowed to babysit Oprah's children until they are at least 6.

Now, in this scenario, Oprah and I are not lesbians as it seems above, now that I re-read it. In that scenario we are actually those people in horror movies who know everything about everything and we constantly have people banging on our doors at 3 am during thunderstorms asking us to help them with demon possessions and ghostly hauntings.

Let me paint a picture for you....
Cut to a stormy night, lets say it's a Tuesday, the clock strikes 3 am, the booms echoing through the halls of the manor where Oprah and Charlotte dwell. A woman rushes towards the door,  her thin figure illuminated by the lightning that slashes the sky. She knocks rapidly, her eyes frantic. Oprah and Charlotte awake, meeting in the hallway outside their rooms. Both hurriedly pull on robes and dash to the door.
"I need your help!" The woman cries. Charlotte and Oprah step away from the door as the woman rushes inside, drenched and shivering. The two girls beckon her into their study which is lit with the warm glow from the fireplace. The room is filled with books and strange items like possessed mirrors and shrunken heads. The woman collapses onto the sofa and weaves her tale of her haunting. A ghost is stalking her, causing her pain and fear. She must get rid of it or she will be killed. The two girls nod, listen carefully, and then dig through their books, their brows furrowed.
"We have what you need." Oprah whispers, leaning over her book. Charlotte sips from her glass of brandy and speaks, "You must burn wormwood under a full moon on a Friday at midnight on top of the grave of the man that haunts you and speak aloud this incantation." She hands over a piece of folded paper which the woman greatly accepts. The two girls show the woman the door, wishing her luck. Thunder booms and the rain picks up as Oprah and Charlotte head back upstairs to their rooms. Just another day in the life of a paranormal genius.
/end scene.

We would have no other jobs because we are super intelligent (in the paranormal) and are obviously too busy raising my child to think we survived a zombie apocalypse. But we would also be married to our handsome boyfriends who have normal jobs and know nothing of what we do.
Clearly Oprah and I have too much time on our hands and/or are clearly creative geniuses and need to get started right away on our screenplays.

Goodnight everyone. I'm going to watch The Office and cry because it's so awful now.

Next day edit/
So I'm almost finished ParanormalActivityFouuuuurrrr and I have to say I am wildly impressed with the horror movie references in this film. The little brother rolling around on his little tricycle like The Shining, the ball rolling down the stairs like in The Changeling. Props to you ParanormalActivityFouuuuurrrr. I'm also digging this whole use of laptop cameras, iphone cameras and what not. It's much more relevant and realistic and tbh freaky. I'm just sitting here like BITCH MOVE YOUR CAMERA LIKE 2 INCHES TO THE LEFT CAUSE I KNOW THERE'S SOMETHING THERE GUUUURL. Then she moves it. And I freak out. SO....obviously I haven't finished it but I saw a gif on tumblr that spoiled the ending so I'm going to go ahead and say I maaaay like this one the best. But the main girls best dude friend is kiiiiinda creepy. He's like "Oh whoops, I filmed you while you were sleeping." And he's lurking around her house at midnight grabbing her feet and shit. Honey, get yourself a new best friend. Me and Oprah are close, maybe too close, but I have no plans of lurking around her bedroom to scare her at 3am.....unless we lived together....in which case I would do that quite often.

Greetings Humans,
So I have a bath tub now. The past two places I have lived have been absent of said luxury and the place before that had water temperature issues so having a bath either meant freezing to death or boiling like a fresh lobster. I spent two years using my mom's bath tub every time I visited her in Calgary, and my mother in laws whenever I got the chance. I was that homeless friend couch surfing. Only I bath surfed...
Since moving in here I have managed to only have two showers, and a multitude of wonderful baths. But I have forgotten the trials and tribulations that come along with the owning of a bath tub. You take a risk every time you run that water. Especially if you forget to do a quick wipe down of the tub before you fill it up. Then you panic when you get in because you're not sure who's hair is floating in the water.
Although I have to say that I don't think hair in the tub will EVER phase me again after I spent an hour unclogging our drain filled with the old tenants hair. I could've made a beautiful blonde wig. I also found a twig down there and a lot of tape. No judgement. Just kinda wishing they'd cleaned it out before we moved in.....
But it's also so hard to find that perfect temperature. And you can't really judge it until your entire body is enveloped. And then it is too late and you have to suck it up. But bath time is a huge commitment for me. I set up a new podcast, I light some candles, get comfy. Then BOOM...the water is barely hot and after ten minutes you're shivering and shaving your legs so fast it could be an Olympic sport. It's devastating. But it's also a risk you're willing to take to have that perfect bath. Because every now and then you'll end up with THE PERFECT BATH. And nothing else matters, and nothing hurts etc etc. I feel like Demi Moore in The Scarlet Letter. I have no regrets. It's the simple things in life.

I've also started drinking coffee. The main reason being I cannot afford my beloved energy drinks anymore and coffee is basically free. But this is also something that is all about trial and tribulation. I haven't found my sweet spot yet. Each cup is either too bitter or too sweet or I didn't put enough coffee in the machine. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm also not used to drinking hot liquids as I have always been quite opposed to them. I have a tendency to leave my coffee alone for too long, come back, and get a mouthful of cold liquid...which I always spit back into the cup. Which then ruins the coffee. But I drink it anyway because I am poor and refuse to waste it. Or I have to reheat the cup like 5 times while drinking one cup of coffee.

I know, my life is really hard. I bet you read this and just wipe your brow thinking I am SO glad this is not my life. This poor girl has to spend her days dealing with cold coffee and baths.

Mitch and I debated today over Tony's superhero name. I believe it should be Tony Stark and he would be Irondog. Mitch thinks he should be Poop Dog and have a sidekick named Fart Dog. I'm going with Tony Stark. Because how can you not? But now I have this overwhelming need to make our dog a superhero cape. I might have to re-think our Halloween costumes for this year. I was going to be Lori Grimes, Tony would be Carl Grimes....I would get him a little dog sized cop hat...I'd stuff a pillow up my shirt, cover myself in fake blood, and act more hysterical than usual.....
Could you imagine if I actually made Tony a superhero cape and took him to the dog park down the road. No dog would EVER fuck with him. Or he would be thrown into a garbage can by the cool dogs. Either or. Just throwing that out there.

Tonight we are hosting a house warming party to let everyone know (even though they already know) WE'VE MOVED IN. I always think house warming parties are hilarious. Please come over and see my home and my things and be jealous because I have Hobbit action figures and a cute dog. House warming parties are just an excuse for you and your friends to get drunk in a new environment. Of course, everyone invited are actually Mitch's friends, since I still haven't found that sweet spot of being able to make and keep friends. My Dad suggested I invite the UPS guy who came to our home three days in a row delivering amazon packages and showed me pictures of his dog. Or the old woman who lives upstairs and cornered me in the laundry room to tell me all about my neighbors and her cat. I thought about it. I really did. But instead it will be me standing awkwardly in places around our house "casually" leaning against counters and walls and wandering if anyone has seen the newest episode of The Guild and whether I could sneak away to read my book for ten minutes.
Jokes aside, I'm sure tonight will be fun. And I should really be cleaning this place up TO IMPRESS PEOPLE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~

Also I have to go buy snacks for our guests which probably won't get eaten because isn't it always awkward to eat snacks at parties? The food lay out is always completely avoided and I have no idea why. Eating in public is weiiiiird. So here's to hoping I have a tone of chips left over to stuff my face with tomorrow. 

Farewell.

Since I lost my job and could not find it ever again, I have become somewhat of a night owl. As in...my day is usually 12pm - 3am. I am far more productive in the hours after midnight and I have no idea why, but I've been embracing it. But the past two days I have been up very early. And by very early, I clearly mean 10/11am. It's like a whole new world for me. Today the Shaw guy came to hook us up with the sweet sweet internet and therefore I had to awake. Unfortunately for the Shaw guy, when he went back to his car to get his tools, I had fallen back asleep. I was not much help. But after he left I decided to start my day. I was excited because now I could job hunt from the comfort of my own couch while drinking awful home made ice coffee and not wearing pants. And after a few hours of doing that I stretched and thought to myself, welp...time to get dinner started. JUST KIDDING. It's only 2:30pm. ALRIGHT! Waking up early makes me feel like I have SO much more time. Crazy. So obviously with all this extra time I am blogging and watching the Chris Hardwick comedy central special; Mandroid.

The thing I've found most about job hunting is that you get reallllll sick of talking about yourself. I mean, how many god damn cover letters can you really write with enthusiasm. And who even reads cover letters? When I used to accept resumes I would ignore the cover letters, browse the previous jobs, and then base it on whether they could work weekends or not. Once I actually received a resume from what appeared to be a 12 year old girl who's only job experience was "professional blogging." I was so intrigued I almost brought her in for an interview. Does this count as professional blogging? I mean, I'm pretty damn professional about it. And what is a 12 year old blogging about?

Dear blog,
Today I am going to review the new episode of MY LITTLE PONY! I was so happy to watch it and I really liked the pink one that smelt like strawberries. It was sad when the ponies got scared and stuff happened but then they were all happy at the end!!~~~ I give it 5 pony tails out of 5 pony tails. Tune in next week when I review MADAGASCAR 10. Also I will have a youtube channel soon where I will post videos of my Bratz collection.

Haha, who am I kidding? 12 year olds nowadays drink more than I do and have experimented with at least two hallucinogenic drugs. They're also lazy as shit and can't spell. Seriously, it drives me insane. I had a girl ask me to read her Walking Dead fan fiction the other day and I obliged. She's like 14, I didn't want to hurt her feelings. BUT GOOD LORD GIRL. You are typing this story ON A COMPUTER. Where spell check is in abundance. I mean seriously, you get spell checked on facebook nowadays. Yet this story was filled with half finished sentences, a multitude of misspelled words, and it made absolutely no sense. I couldn't even begin to explain to her what I really thought. I had to decline the request to edit and just move on with my life.

I could write a 1000 page essay on what's wrong with the younger generation but then I would just be a grumpy old woman and everyone on tumblr would hate me.

Anyway, I'm incredibly happy to have internet in my home. I wish I could just hug the router and cry and tell it I love it and I missed it. I am the internets' overly attached girlfriend. And I don't want it to leave me ever again. Or I will KILL MYSELF.

Just kidding.

You know what I'm getting really tired of? People who use their status updates as confirmation of what to do with EVERY ASPECT OF THEIR LIVES.
"Who thinks I should dye my hair red?"
"Like this status if you think I should get a puppy?"
"Should I quit my job? If my boss is on here don't read this LOL"
"I'm thinking of getting a tattoo of an elephant mounting a lion on my chest. Good idea?"
What happened to the good old days when every decision you made was made on your own, and in your mind. Should I wear jeans today? I have no idea, probably should make a status about it and see what my 500 friends, most of whom I've only met once, think about this.
And the worst part...is the people who comment. STOP IT. YOU ARE ENCOURAGING BAD, ANNOYING BEHAVIOR.
"Hey Sally, I really think you should get a tattoo of an elephant mounting a lion on your chest, sounds really unique and it's a great idea! You'll never regret it."
STOP IT.
I feel like by the end of 2013 people will be posting everything on facebook from statuses asking whether they should take a poop, to photos of their vaginas asking 'is this normal?'

Today I also discovered a youtube channel that has all the music from The Hobbit. And the reason I was searching for this was because the other night I had a very fun dream where Oprah and I cosplayed as hobbits and ran through the wilderness in Newfoundland yelling "WE'RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE". And we frolicked and our backpacks were filled with goodies and frying pans that clanged together. It was wonderful. We discovered a man who was also cosplaying but as a dwarf and he joined us on this journey which ended up in an aquarium where squids and octopuses floated in the air instead of in the ocean. But that part doesn't matter. What matters is I woke up extremely happy and filled with joy because of my fun hobbit dream. And all I wanted to do was watch The Hobbit and run through fields and over mountains and what not. Instead, today, I found the soundtrack and listened to it while I performed my daily tasks. Such as cleaning the kitchen, loading the dishwasher, cooking lunch, job hunting etc. AND IT MADE EVERYTHING FEEL SO MUCH MORE EPIC. I felt like everything was a quest and I was completing quests left and right, making these tasks my bitch. I suggest it to everyone.

It's not even 3pm yet. I HAVE SO MUCH I CAN ACCOMPLISH! And by that I mean playing my new video game that arrived in the mail today and getting hyped up on caffeine.

Farewell.