The Uninvited and too many ramblings

Sooooo my original plan was to watch The Hills Have Eyes from 1977. I downloaded it and got about 10 minutes in before I realized that not only was it not The Hills Have Eyes from 1977, it was the sequel to the remake. I was watching The Hills Have Eyes 2 Where'd Ya Get Those Peepers?

(Also I know I preach a hard game of supporting horror movies and spending the money but in my defense I am FLAT broke from the move sooooo....don't download movies kids, it's illegal, and you might end up watching awful sequels to remakes.)

I actually did sit through the whole thing and Mitch joined me for the last half. It was awful. But I felt like I'd already dedicated time to it so I might as well finish it. It was awful. GARBAGE. So many plot holes, so many bad character decisions, so many stereotypes.

Ohhhh boy it was bad.

I've had a productive weekend so far - aka watched a lot of horror movies, played Until Dawn again (see my review here) and pre-ordered Batman V Superman on DVD with my amazon gift card (thanks Aunt Sam!). And if you want to send hate my way for loving the shit out of BVS please direct your hate mail to my best friend Ben Affleck's bank account. 

Oh, also....ya'll should be watching Deadly Possessions, Zak Bagans new show. It's so awesome! He has opened a museum in Vegas that houses his collection of haunted items and has people bring him their own haunted items. This week's they had Bela Lugosi's mirror and some letters from Charles Manson.

Today I decided to watch a movie that I had seen when I was much younger and remembered loving it. I also remembered it having some sort of twist ending but not really what it was.

So...let's talk about it:

THE UNINVITED (2009)

We survive by remembering. But sometimes we survive by forgetting. 

So as soon as I started the film I remembered the twist right away but it didn't really ruin the film for me. It was more fun to watch it and see how they trick you into believing what is true. The Uninvited is a remake of the South Korean film, A Tale of Two Sisters and was remade in America by the Guard Brothers. The movie was filmed here in Vancouver, and specifically in one house which I will one day own because it is stunningly beautiful and everything I want in a home. Aka isolated and next to a lake with a creepy boat house. Stephen King novel realness.

It tells the story of Anna who has returned home from the psych ward. She was in there after the tragic fire that took the life of her already deathly ill mother. When she returns home she finds her father has started dating the much younger nurse who took care of her mother and her sister is drinking a lot and miserable. As Anna readjusts to life, she starts to suspect that perhaps the nurse is not what she seems and she starts seeing the ghosts of three little children who may lead her to the truth of her mother's death.

Elizabeth Banks does a wonderful job of playing the nurse, Rachel. Every word out of her mouth can be interpreted in so many different ways and you spend the whole movie wondering if she really is evil. She plays scary very well. Emily Browning, in the lead role of Anna, does a great job of pulling you along as she lives day to day in this emotional and confusing new world she's found herself in. Browning is a phenomenal actress who I believe deserves more credit than she's given. She's also breathtakingly beautiful.

I'm sure a much smarter person than I could figure out the twist in this film very quickly. But the first time I saw it I honestly had NO idea and it came as a complete and amazing shock. The scares in the film rely solely on the big "jump". It's not a scary film for the average horror viewer. Although the scene where Anna is sleeping in her bedroom and wakes up to hear a bell ringing and sees a figure sliding along her floor....that shit creeped me out.

Overall I do enjoy this movie, it's isolating and a full bodied story without too many gaping plot holes.

8/10

Stay Spooky!

I turned another year older and watched Hush!

Ya'll it is a warm and rainy spring evening up in here and I've got two horror movies on deck ready to go. But yesterday was my birthday!!!!! I turned 55 years old.

Just kidding, it was 27. And the day was glorious filled with superhero gifts and star wars cards (honestly you could've switched my birthday with an 11 year olds' and they wouldn't have noticed) and I also got a hair cut. For the first time in 5 years. I got a foot of hair cut off of me. And still have a lot left. You could probably farm me for my hair it grows so damn fast and long ya'll.

But the point of all of this is.....I ended my birthday the only way I wanted to...by watching a horror movie. And since I've heard nothing but good things about it...I chose...............

HUSH (2016)

“If you can’t run, hide, or wait… what does that leave? Kill him.”

Oh mama, this was a goodie. I'm already terrified of home invasions (ya'll know this is my greatest fear) so I knew I was going to be creeped out. But with an original premise, a great cast, and a foreboding setting...this movie went above and beyond expectations and I can now see why everyone is raving about it!

It was directed by Mike Flanagan and written by him, and star Kate Siegel. These are the same amazing people who brought us Oculus. It tells the story of Madison, a deaf author who lost her hearing when she was 13 (nightmare inducing in it's own right). She lives by herself in a house in the woods and is currently trying to finish her second novel (my dream life). After her friend Sarah visits and leaves, an intruder appears on her property dragging Sarah who he has murdered. He realizes Madison is deaf and decides it will be fun to torment her. Chaos ensues.

Oh boy, this movie was so GOOD. Like I said, the premise alone is amazing - a deaf woman being hunted in her own home by some rando fucked up intruder (they never explain who he is or why he's there and I didn't even care). And the movie manages very well to keep you creeped out. With scenes like Madison sitting on her couch on her laptop, while the intruder walks right behind her and steals her phone. Or when Madison writes a message in lipstick on the glass telling the intruder (who's been wearing a mask) that she didn't see his face so he's free to go and she won't tell.....then the intruder just straight up takes off the mask and grins. Oh fuck.

It also does a great job of giving you a sense of what Madison is going through with the clever way the film mutes the sound so all you can hear is her breathing. Or sometimes you can hear the voice she hears in her head.

Madison is an amazing final girl. She's tough, she's ruthless, she's smart, and she's a damn survivor ya'll. I'm obsessed with her! OH! AND! They show Madison's bookshelf and she has Stephen King books on there soooo errrr....did we just become best friends?

The movie is creepy, not scary, there are basically no jump scares, but I had a great time watching it. There's only 15 minutes total of dialogue and you barely even notice. It was an amazingly original idea on a common theme in horror, and although there were a few plot holes or very questionable choices being made, it didn't pull you out of it. It was more fun to just scream SMASH HIS HEAD WITH A HAMMER WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU GURL?!?!

Loved it, will watch again, will aggressively recommend.

(also keep an eye out for Before I Wake from the same writer and director. Looks amazing. Did Mike Flanagan just become one of my favorite horror geniuses? Yeah, I think he did)

10/10

Well done Hush!

gif credit

Stay spooky!

Double Feature - The Forest and The Gift

Hey, look at that! I actually came through for once and watched both movies I said I would.

Let's jump right in!

THE FOREST (2016)

Directed by Jason Zada, and starring Natalie Dormer and Taylor Kinney, The Forest follows Sara as she searches for her sister who disappeared into the Aokigahara Forest.

Aokigahara is a real place, a forest at the foot of Mount Fuji. It's also known as the Sea of Trees, or most known as the Suicide Forest. In Japanese mythology, the forest is filled with yurei or "ghosts of the dead", and in modern day it is known for the massive amounts of suicides that take place in among the trees.

The real story behind The Forest is far more scarier than this movie though. Sara's twin sister Jess has gone missing in the suicide forest, but Sara is convinced she's alive because she can still "feel her". She travels to Japan and meets a journalist in a bar who will take her into the forest along with a guide to look for Jess. Once inside the forest they discover Jess's tent and so Sara and the journalist, Aiden, decide to stay the night in case she comes back. The guide warns that the forest is incredibly dangerous at night and you see things that aren't really there.

What could've been a horrifying journey through a ghost filled forest unfortunately turns into a boring, predictable mess. Natalie Dormer does an amazing job, don't get me wrong, but the script itself was weak. And Aiden's character was completely off. The scares were minimal and weak. And the imagery is boring and over-done.

Even the ending itself, while not predictable in a way, is boring and leaves you let down. With a setting and a fantastic creepy lore like the suicide forest, this movie had massive potential. And what was with the white washing of the ghosts? There's a young Japanese girl spirit that follows Sara around the woods and at one point she reveals her true identity as an evil spirit and for some reason her evil spirit face was a white lady? What?

This movie was garbage. But I will allow it the fact that after it was done I did feel creeped out. But that might've been because I was alone in my apartment and I kept hearing noises. We lived in a house for so long that I'm not used to hearing other people around me.

Basically....don't watch this movie. Just watch documentaries about the suicide forest and google images of it. It'll be much scarier.

4/10

THE GIFT (2015)

Well this was a breath of fresh air! Written, directed, and produced by Joel Edgerton, The Gift takes us on a terrifying ride involving a couple (Jason Bateman and Rebecca Hall) who are being pursued by a figure from the husband's past, played by Joel Edgerton.

Simon and Robyn relocate to Simon's hometown of Chicago and are instantly greeted by an old friend, Gordo. Gordo starts leaving gifts for the couple and showing up during the day. Simon is instantly annoyed by Gordo whereas Robyn is more understanding and compassionate towards him. After Gordo invites them to a dinner at his home which quickly spirals out of control, the couple realize Gordo is not who he says he is. And as Robyn begins to dig deeper she starts to realize that Simon isn't the man she thought she fell in love with either.

This film is a roller coaster of tense moments and quick, unpredictable scares. The tension gets so thick in some parts you can barely handle it. Gordo is played perfectly and you flip flop from feeling sorry for him, to fearing him, to relating to him. Simon's performance is delivered terrifyingly well by Bateman, while Robyn is just so so. It's one of those great films where you just don't know who to root for and you just get completely wrapped up in the lives and the story.

It also brings into question, do we ever change? Do the bullies in high school grow up and stop being bullies? Or are they always a bully? And should we forgive people for their past sins? It also reminds you that it is impossible to know everything about the person you fall in love with.

It's a really great ride and kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time.

A strong 10/10.

Well, that's it for this weekend! I finally feel back to normal. And although my list of horror movies to watch is still too damn long, at least I got three out of the way. And two out of the three were great so that's pretty awesome.

Till next time!

Stay spooky!

In which I watch The Boy (2015) and break my toe while doing it

Well....that was a longer delay than expected. The gypsy curse hit hard and fast. We had everything packed up and ready to go but two days before we moved in, our new building caught on fire. So we had to wait around in limbo for awhile wondering if we were going to be homeless. But finally last weekend we were able to move into our new apartment and then spent the week unpacking.

But enough excuses...I'M BACK...but now also with a broken toe.

I chose to watch The Boy (2015) last night....not the one with Maggie from The Walking Dead, but the other one and half way through I dropped my laptop on my toe. Like...perfectly hit just one toe. I started spurting blood and almost fainting (I'm one of those people who can watch you get your arm cut off without flinching but the second I bleed I'm on the floor blacked out). So now it's all bloody and bruised and swollen and broken.

The laptop is fine though.

Okay I'm shutting up....let's talk about this phenomenal movie!!!!!!!!!!

THE BOY (2015)

Directed and written by Craig Macneill, The Boy tells the story of a father and son who run a lonely motel in the middle of nowhere. It's based on a short film by the same guy which is loosely inspired by the book Miss Corpus, written by Clay McLeod Chapman (who helped write the script as well). 

The father is played amazingly by David Morse, who is a terrible father but manages to make you feel for him anyway. The young boy, Ted, is played by Jared Breeze and can we get this kid a damn Oscar? What an impressive performance! Ted is fucked up from growing up all alone and angry. His mother left him when he was young and his only interaction is with the guests, who come and go, leaving him behind like his mother did. He has a lot of anger that he doesn't know how to deal with and begins to lure animals onto the highway to be killed by oncoming cars. But one night he attracts a deer and a man named William Colby (played by Rainn Wilson) hits said deer and crashes. He is forced to stay at the motel while his car is fixed. Ted instantly becomes attached and fascinated by William, but so does the town Sheriff played by Bill Sage. Seems to be that William is running away from something.

From the get go this movie is so incredibly tense. You're on the edge of your seat the entire time just completely unnerved. Every move that Ted makes you're convinced he's just going to snap and kill everyone. For a movie with not a lot of dialogue, you never get bored once. The scenery is absolutely stunning but so lonely and the score is incredibly creepy and adds to the intensity and dread of the story.

While the ending is slightly predictable if you're paying attention, it doesn't feel like a cop out. I found myself cheering for Ted even though I knew it was wrong. It's a very "anti-hero" type film where you know that Ted is awful but you can't help but completely understand the way he is. He is a victim of his surroundings and the way he was raised.

It asks the interesting question of how serial killers are made. Are they born that way, or are they created by the way they are raised and their environments?

I adored this film and the performances all around were phenomenal, especially Rainn Wilson and Jared Breeze.

10/10

Please watch this film!! I beg of you! This is indie horror done the right way and we should be supporting it and encouraging others to bring us these beautiful and terrifying films.

Alright, up next is most likely The Forest and The Gift, but don't hold me accountable for that. I'm the worst.

Stay spooky ya'll and thank you for being so patient!!

Hangman is a boring piece of garbage

Great news! Me and Mitch and the dogs have found somewhere to live! We move in April 1st so bare with me during the next three weeks while I purge anarchy my belongings, pack, move, and then unpack.

But! Tonight I found time to watch a movie I was excited for and it turned out to be a boring piece of garbage....let's talk about it!!

Hangman (2015)

The premise of this film intrigued me because I am absolutely terrified of home invasions. I thought it would be great like The Purge or The Strangers, or literally any other horror movie ever. Nope. It was terrible.

A family goes on vacation, and while on vacation a man breaks into their home and moves into their attic. He inserts cameras all over the house and fucks with everything. The family comes home and freaks out because they believe they've been broken into. Then the creeper monitors the family for weeks (or months idek) and comes out of his hidey hole to stalk the younger daughter as she goes on dates, to loom over the beds while they all sleep, and to spit in the orange juice container (??????).

The movie itself is boring. Like incredibly boring. You're just watching grainy footage of a family go about their day. The daughter fails math, the son has nightmares, and the couple have sex. Riveting. Even when the creep factor "ramps up" it's SO BORING. No jump scares, no violence, no creepy moments. Just boring, overused, horror tropes.

There's no clear story as to why this creep is invading their home. I mean, I got what they were trying to say, but it was murky and poorly written.

And there's so many damn plot holes!! Like how can you hear the people speaking inside their car when the camera is across the street? Has he secretly put mics on these people? At one point he steals an entire giant vase of flowers. The mother notices and then is over it immediately. If I noticed something in my house missing I would lose my damn mind. I lose my ipod and I'm convinced there's an intruder (turned out it had fallen down the heating vent). And how is no one noticing him? He's living in the attic and you can't hear that? He's moving around your bedroom at night and you can't hear that??!???! 

Bleh. This movie sucked. Don't watch it. I'm offended by how bad it is. I should've just watched Captain America Winter Solider for the 10000th.

0/10

I'm sad about how bad this movie is.

Stay spooky!

Poltergeist the remake and how I actually kind of loved it?

POLTERGEIST (the remake)

Alright, I hate remakes. You know this. I complain all the time about this. I don't see the point in funneling money into remakes when we could be supporting new and original horror. So when I finally got around to watching the remake of Poltergeist, I did it with crossed arms and a sour look on my face. But within 5 minutes my face cracked into a reluctant smile and DAMNIT I was laughing at the dialogue and enjoying myself.

So let's get into it.

Poltergeist originally came out in 1982 and was directed by Tobe Hooper and co-written by Steven Spielberg. It ended up becoming a trilogy. The original was a classic horror film with an absolutely amazing cast, and some pretty fantastic ideas for the time.

Last year Gil Kenan directed the remake and put Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt in the lead role of the couple. Jared Harris played the eccentric ghost hunter alongside Jane Adams as his partner in crime.

Now as much as I hate to admit this, I enjoyed the new cast more. I love Sam Rockwell and him and DeWitt brought some amazing comedic wit. Making Jared Harris a TV ghost hunter was a great modernization. And Jane Adams, though quiet, brought a great partnership.

The scares were minimal in this film for me personally, but I could see it scaring the average viewer quite a bit. I found the iconic clown scene actually much more frightening in the remake. The fact that there were multiple clown dolls just lurking around and scaring the shit out of me. Not cool. But awesome. Also the "other dimension" was super creepy in the remake. All those creepy dead bodies writhing around. Gross. Do not want to go to there. But I liked it a lot. 

The gore was minimal in this movie compared to the original. So....there's one thing against it. The story was different of course, but the premise was the same. They modernized the haunting, making the poltergeist effect cell phones and flat screen TV's etc etc. There was also a drone which I didn't love. But I don't love drones in general so this was never going to be a win for me. The tree scene was less creepy in the remake. But they managed to keep all the iconic scenes in the remake, just with some modernizations and a few adjustments.

I liked the kids a lot more in the original. The teenage girl in the remake was too hysterical and mean to her parents for my liking. Like, gurl, your Dad has no job and bought you a new iPhone yet you're still sassing him? Get a job yourself, damn. Although I did like the young son because he was a nervous wreck and I felt that on a personal level.

So, I was preparing to tear this movie apart and call it a piece of crap and have it prove my point but instead I had a really great time watching it and I will totally watch it again.

WHO AM I

I'm giving it an 8/10. Don't yell at me.

Stay spooky!

UNBOXING FEBRUARY'S HORROR BLOCK

February Horror Block is here! Let's unpack it!!

(this will be my last one for a few months while I'm on a very strict budget for moving)

This was a so-so month, only because I don't drink and I can't eat eggs haha so none of these actually work for me.

A wine stopper shaped like a zombie finger...so hilarious. I'm so sneaking this into Mitch's wine so he gets scared when he goes for another glass.

A zombie bottle opener. As I said, I don't drink, and Mitch has got like 50 bottle openers. But I love  how creepy it looks so I've put it on display with my horror figures.

A SUPER AMAZING deck of cards with all our horror favorites. The one in the middle of the second photo is Carrie. Sorry for the lens flare. Had a JJ moment.

A zombie egg cup, shovel to eat it with, and some cut outs that you use to cut your toast into fun and violent shapes!

A Daryl Dixon shirt. Even though I don't watch The Walking Dead anymore (I stuck with the comics), I do love the first four seasons so I'm thrilled to have this.

As always, the latest edition of Rue Morgue. 

So yeah, even though horror block is super affordable (costs me about $30 a month) and so much fun to have show up and surprise you every month at work....unfortunately I can't justify that $30 every month. But a great thing about horror block is you don't have to actually cancel your subscription, you can just postpone it for 1 or 3 or 6 months. I chose 3 months. But I'm secretly hoping we'll find a place soon and then I can get my horror blocks again haha

As always, I'm not affiliated in any way to horror block, just a massive fan. 

Stay spooky ya'll!!