Hello dear friends,
It has been two weeks since my last (confession) post and I regret nothing. Since...well...I actually haven't done anything. Work consumes my life because I let it. Although yesterday Mitch took me to a baseball game where he got horrifically sun burnt and my nose gained a new layer of red skin. It was all very exciting although I was devastated at the cost of a bottle of water. $4!!!!!!!!!!! That's most of my bus fare to get to and from work. Then I started to panic because I am a paranoid parrot and was convinced I would get heat stroke. But Mitch saved the day by finding an empty $4 water bottle on the ground which I filled from the bathroom tap. Poor living, my friends, can't beat it. All you yuppies paying for $4 water...HAH!

Then we walked to the beach and debated over the meaning of SPF, which we then googled, and realized we were both wrong. At the beach we reflected on living in BC and how lucky we were and then we got all sappy and took a photo. The walk back was brutal because I was tired and thirsty and wasn't wearing socks. But we ventured through the west end and planned our future and drooled over the apartments/houses. We will live there! Even if it kills us. Which it may, because Surrey is a knife wound waiting to happen.

All in all that was the most exciting thing that's happened to me since my last update because I am apparently incapable of having fun without the help of Mitch. Although I did watch a Supernatural episode that had Robert Englund in it which was probably the highlight of my last weekend.
Today Mitch and I watched the Olympic opening ceremonies and I got emotional during Hey Jude and felt proud of the country I was from. Then it was over and I was over it. I also ventured to the library and picked up my next three weeks worth of books. The librarian kept walking by me and looking confused when I would be sprawled out on the floor with a giant pile of books and my purse at the other end of the aisle.
....I thought everyone treated a library like their own at home?
....Doesn't everyone have a library at home?
Although mine is a poor excuse since I only have one book shelf and it is broken. Books are literally piled up everywhere in that tiny room. Still a library though. Maybe I shall share pictures one day....but probably not.

My room mates and Mitch are out tonight and I am here on the couch with a towel on my head getting ready to watch a Haunting in Connecticut and having the shit scared out of me and then going to bed only to be too scared to sleep and then wake up early for work and regret everything. Including that run-on sentence.

Now feel free to enjoy my next horror movie suggestions that will probably not scare you and you will probably hate.

HORROR MOVIE POST #2

SIGNS
Yeah, I know, I can hear everyone ever going SERIOUSLY?! M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN IS THE WORST DIRECTOR EVER I HATE HIM FFFFFFUUUUUUUU.
But you know what, Signs is one of my favorite movies ever. And sure, maybe me and Oprah are the only people in the world who actually like 80% of Mr. S's movies but that's okay....because we love them enough for the rest of the world.
This movie is flawless.
Basically it's a widowed father who lives with his two kids and his brother in a house in the middle of a corn field. They wake up one morning to find a huge crop circle and then all this weird shit starts happening around the house. Turns out it's aliens, and they're all over the world watching and waiting.
But this movie just has some of the most amazing scenes. Like when Joaquin Pheonix's character is watching the news and the alien appears out of the bushes. SCARED ME SO BAD THE FIRST TIME. (And pretty much every time after that ever). Or when Mel Gibson and Joaquin are running around the outside of the house trying to scare off what they think are kids playing pranks. Or when Mel comes home to find all three of them wearing tin foil hats. Or when the girl at the pharmacy confesses her sins to Mel.
OR EVERY OTHER SCENE IN THIS MOVIE.
Maybe I'm just tainted by all the good memories of watching this film over and over again with Oprah or even the first time I saw it in Florida at the theater with my parents. I came home after and was trying to fall asleep when I saw a shadow that looked like long, skinny fingers drift across my closed blinds. And then I heard a *tap tap tap* against the window pane. I shot out of bed, hid in the closet, and was pretty much convinced that aliens had found me and this was the end. Then I realized it was the sprinkler system hitting my window and that the shadow was, yep you guessed it, a tree.
But my life flashed before my eyes.
This movie is just so great, and I think it's completely underrated because people assume it's garbage. It's not! The script is flawless, there's some really funny moments, there's some heart felt moments, sad moments etc.
I love it. Oprah loves it. And my mom also loves it.
Therefore....nothing else matters.

CLOVERFIELD
I totally missed the whole viral campaign for this movie and I regret that. On the plus side though when I finally watched it, I had no idea what it was about. And I instantly fell in love. As soon as the statue of liberty's head hit the sidewalk I was like THIS IS GOOD TO GO!
In case you live under a rock, this movie is set in NYC and is filmed on a hand held camera. There's a going away party happening when all of a sudden BOOM a big monster comes to terrorize the city. We watch as friends try and survive the attack and get to safety while also on a rescue mission to get their other friend who decided to live on the highest floor possible of an apartment building. Then everyone dies. The end.
The only thing I don't like about this movie is how quickly you see the monster. It's like half an hour in. And that's a pet peeve of mine. But the monster itself is pretty bad ass. Also J.J. Abrams produced it so you know it's solid gold.
It's not really scary, it just leaves a bad feeling in your stomach at the end when you start to put yourself in the character's situation and wonder what you would've done. Also I watched it while on the top floor of an apartment building. I remember looking out over the balcony at the city around me and thinking, I'm so fucked.

THE BIRDS
An Alfred Hitchcock CLASSIC. Also the first movie of his I ever saw. I remember watching it with my mom on the couch when I was pretty young and being scared so bad that I pretended I had to pee every 10 minutes to hide in the bathroom. But now it is a favorite for me and my mom and we like to watch it and talk in dramatic tones and look vaguely into the distance.
A woman purchases some love birds in a pet shop for a handsome man and then heads over to his town to give them to him. But she is randomly attacked by a sea gull and in turn is invited to stay by the handsome fellow. Over the next few days flocks of birds start attacking the people of this town and it gets more and more viscous until the handsome fellow, his family, and the beautiful woman are trapped inside a home while birds reign down upon them. Then all of a sudden they decide to escape and manage to do so without the birds attacking. It is never explained why the birds go crazy or why they stop.
What makes this movie so creepy is not only crows (which is a personal fear of mine that stemmed from this movie) but the fact that there is no background music which most horror movies lean on to scare you. This creates such an ominous feeling that you don't even stop to think....why are seagulls able to kill people? They're not that tough!
Also it's Alfred Hitchcock and he is a genius.
If you haven't seen this horror classic then you cannot call yourself a horror movie fan. Yeah, I'm getting pretentious....sue me.
But seriously, get your shit together.

I was going to do 5 reviews but my computer is about to die and I'm too lazy to get my charger. So goodnight ya'll! 

Horror Movies #1

I've decided to add to this blog a post (more than one eventually) about horror movie recommendations. And by recommendations I mean movies I've seen and need to keep track of, and movies most of you will think are awful.  I truly believe I have the worst taste in horror movies ever, but at least I'm not pretentious right? I could sit here and be like FRENCH HORROR FILMS ARE THE SHIT AND ANYTHING ELSE IS GARBAGE....YOU SUCK. Or tell you that the special effects were "sub par" and use language like "sell outs" and "i've seen every b-movie ever". I'm not going to compare directors and then get all fussy over the "repetitive story lines". You may go to r/horror for that. This is simply me, being a lover of all things horror, the cheesier the better (like my taste in potato chips) and sharing with you some movies that I love more than I love most of my friends on facebook.

(Keep in mind these are filled with spoilers since I have a knack for spoiling the end of every movie ever if you haven't seen it.) 
















FINAL DESTINATION 1-5
 I think I love these movies more than anyone I've ever met. Whenever I watch one I just freak the fuck out alone every time I notice a sign from death. It's like solving a mystery. Only...everyone dies...and death is always the killer...
The FD movies are always based on some freak accident that happens, but one of the people in the accident is actually viewing this as a premonition and so when they awake and start seeing the signs they save as many people as they can. But now they've screwed up death's design and so death is coming after them to tie up the loose ends.  Oh yeah, and there's always this creepy black guy that knows everything but never actually really helps them. He's ma fav~~
These movies are amazing simply because they play on every fear you've ever had. And create new ones like garb-orators, drive thrus, neon signs, BBQs, pool drains, and statues of Buddha. For a paranoid parrot like myself these movies are just the worst, yet the best. The only one I've seen once is The Final Destination, simply because of the ridiculous name and every time I mention it I have to exaggerate THE Final Destination. Except JK it wasn't the final one. Although technically it is. Since FD5 is the prequel. WHICH IS SOLID GOLD. Seriously. I had no idea when I watched #5 and I almost cried at the end because I was so happy. In fact, I probably did shed a tear.
The best part is just how violent the deaths are. It's like a slap in the face every time. And I'm not one for gore and violence really, but the FD franchise is just SO INTENSE that all I can do is give it respect.  I also love when franchises like FD do little shout outs for the fans that have followed every movie religiously.
Side note; the story line was originally written to be an X-Files episode. So, you know, FD and I are "destined" to be together. GET IT?!

THE MIST
Now, side story; when I first read this short story written by my beloved Stephen King, I was staying in Kelowna in a hotel by a lake. I read it one night and awoke the next morning to see nothing but mist outside of my window. That night I watched The Fog, then went for a walk along the beach with my Dad only to be confronted with more mist/fog and so I spent the rest of the vacation in my hotel room watch The Shining (we'll get to that) and reading Salem's Lot.
The story was always one of my favorite short stories and so when the movie came out I was a little hesitant. BUT....it was amazing. And I really don't get all the intense hate for this film. It's an awesome creature flick.
 It's basically about this weird mist that envelops a town after a big storm the night before. All the characters are stuck inside the grocery store when the mist starts to "attack". You watch as the characters deal with monsters trying to get in, deal with each other turning on the other, and how to escape this crazy unexplained mist.
It's not terrifying, but it stays with you when you finish it. In fact, I burst into tears when the movie ended. AND I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE....you cowards. The monster at the end is so bad ass and the characters are so emotional. I'm also a big nerd for when movies based on Stephen King stories show a little tribute to the man himself. I get all giddy and proclaim to the room LOOK! (although I am usually alone). Like how the bookshelf in the grocery store is filled with Stephen King books. LOVE THAT SHIT. Also Frank Darabont has adapted two other Stephen King books into films; The Green Mile, and The Shawshank Redemption.
Oh man, I'm nerding out hard right now. I've told you nothing of the movie, just fun facts about Stephen King. You now know what it's like to hang out with me.

AMERICAN PSYCHO
If anyone knows me even a little, you will know of my intense love of this movie. Patrick Bateman, you silly goose, you.  My twitter name is Patrick Bateman, and "I have to return some videotapes" is literally my "bio" for everything I have on the internet. If you do not like this movie, your point is no longer valid. Even if you don't like it, at least admit it's FUCKING AMAZING. I have it on blu ray and dvd, just in case something happens to one of them. And tbh I will probably be buried with at least one of the copies. The opening monologue of this movie will be read at my wedding, I swear. GOD...everything about this movie is amazing. The music, the humor, the dry wit, the fashion, the ending, the beginning, the middle, the credits.
I'm not even going to attempt to explain this plot to you because if you haven't seen it yet.....well...YOU SUCK. (ahahaha I did it, I'm sorry, I'm just as bad as r/horror).
I have also read the book, which made me almost vomit. But it was on the top ten list of most offensive books ever written and I said, "hey, challenge accepted." But tbh, and I rarely say this, I love the movie way more. Christian Bale is so flawless in this movie, that even to this day when I am watching the new Batman movies, I get confused. BATMAN WHERE IS YOUR CHAINSAW AND NAIL GUN AND RAIN COAT?
"This is not an exit."

THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN
Oh my gosh, I am a late comer to this movie, but I am so in love. I read a review for it at work a few months back and completely forgot about it 'till a few weeks ago when I realized Netflix had it. So I built a blanket fort, cracked open a soda, and fell in love.
As a brit I have always loved Vinnie Jones. I also happen to find him completely dashing, even when covered in blood....actually maybe more so. He's also the PERFECT antagonist. LOOK AT HIM. He's kind of intense. AND HE HAS NO LINES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except three words spoken at the end. I fucking loved that.
This movie is stunning, horrifying, flawless etc. I love the story line so much. Honestly, when I read the plot originally I was kind of daunted about the ending but when I actually watched it I was blown away.
To sum it up a New York photographer is out and about late at night trying to take amazing photos to get made into a gallery show. He notices Vinnie Jones lurking around on the train and realizes one of the girls he photographed the night before at the train station is now missing. He starts to investigate and gets all crazy about it and starts stalking poor Vinnie. Then his girlfriend gets involved and the whole thing goes to shit. It ends with them all fighting to the death on the train...BUT WAIT...what is lurking at that final stop? And why is the train filled with dead bodies? What needs feeding........

Leslie Bibb is kind of annoying though imo although I was saddened when she was murdered. But mostly because of the look on Bradley Cooper's face.
This is also based on a short story, written by Clive Barker who is phenomenal. And if you look closely you can actually see some of his paintings in this film.
I was a little turned off by some the scenes because of the torture. I'm the worst when it comes to torture. And when Roger Bart's character is hanging from meat hooks, ALIVE, and the train is swaying and they keep bumping into him, I almost puked. UGH. I had to close my eyes. Also when Vinnie's pulling out the teeth of that body, TOO MUCH. But it fits for the movie, and I respect that.
Honestly, this is one of the best horror movies I've seen in a long time, and I will probably rewatch it a few hundred times.
And obviously now I am terrified to be the last one on the train......

IDENTITY
I actually saw this in theaters when it came out a long time ago with my parents. And I always remember about halfway through the film my mom leaned over and whispered in my ear "I know who did it." She was right. She has a knack for those things. It also has a pretty good cast, including John Cusack who I LOVE LOVE LOVE. The twist ending is totally mind blowing, unless you are my mom, and every time I watch it I always get so excited because I know it's coming. Basically it's ten strangers stranded mysteriously at a motel and they all start getting killed off one by one. They all have sketchy past stories, and they all share the same birthday. But in fact they are all just different personalities of a schizophrenic who is trying to be cured by his psychologist. The doctor believes that the person who ends up living will be the best personality for the schizophrenic murderer and he will be able to live peacefully. Confused? Yeah, I was too. But the movie explains it all much better than I did and it's actually a pretty creepy movie.
Also there's a poem in it that creeped me out so bad when I first heard it that I became obsessed with it;
As I was going up the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today 
I wish, I wish he'd go away.
It was actually written a long time ago by Hughes Mearns and is called "Antigonish" if you would like to read the whole thing. (which I recommend because it is very creepy)


WOW. That was actually so much fun. I will totally do this again whether anyone reads these or not. YEY MOVIE REVIEWS AND FEELING LIKE YOU HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAAAAAAYYYYY.
Also feel free to comment and call me an idiot or freaking out because we are in love with the same movies.

Greetings my friends,
Much has been happening since my last post. Except not really. I feel like people always say that as an excuse to not post for weeks at a time. I have found a job! I sell furniture. It's like playing the Sims all day only you get paid, and you're not responsible for your customer's lives and baby makings. It's a long commute which means I spend hours a week on a bus that smells like cow poop and surrounded by Surrey freaks and geeks who carry knives and drink out of vodka bottles. So far I seem to have a knack for selling furniture, but I still continue to be a socially awkward penguin. Most of the time I think customers just feel bad for me because I stutter and stumble and then blush and say, "I'm new." Then they feel obligated to buy furniture from the obviously mentally challenged girl.

I have to dress in business casual. Which does not bode well on my closet or pay check. Mainly I show up for work wearing dresses that are a little too big for me and shuffle around in flats that are too small. No one at my work believes I am 23. They all assume I am under age. Perhaps because I look like a 16 year old dressing up in her mother's work clothes, or because I can't hold a normal conversation.
A coworker asked how can I be in retail if I never talk. I didn't answer.

Mitch and I have had a few adventures downtown, or going to the beach late at night. I still haven't been to the beach during the day time since I moved here. Woe is me. We went and saw City Hall which is where a bunch of the X-Files episodes were filmed. I wandered through the community garden pretending to be Scully, investigating the plants for any extraterrestrial life forms. Alas, there were none.

My work schedule has pretty much taken over my none existent life. I work 'till 9 almost every night and don't get home 'till almost 11. On Tuesday I had a day off and spent it in the library. Unfortunately on my trip back my bag broke and my books fell all over the sidewalk.
I thought that only happened in movies? Obviously Tom Hanks was not there to stoop down and help me pick them up then casually invite me for coffee where we would realize that we had in fact been anonymously emailing each other for months and falling in love.
No, wait, that's you've got mail.

Yesterday I had another day off and tried to read in the garden but the sun was so hot I felt like I was on fire. Also I didn't wait for my sun tan lotion to dry and so my legs became covered in little grass seeds which gave me hives. I am so sexy in the summer. I also managed to get into the shower with my glasses on, which was a first, but probably not the last. At least it wasn't my bra this time.

Today is my last day off. I have not left bed. I downloaded Devil Inside, Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, and Dream House. I am currently downloading The Innkeepers and The Woman in Black. It is Friday the 13th and I am scaring myself shitless. But I must see these movies so that Oprah and I can have 4 hour long conversations about them. She is the only one who I know who will indulge my incessant need to discuss every aspect of American Psycho and what Stephen King said about the Blair Witch Project. I sometimes wish there was a totally normal, not weird way to make friends on the internet who loved horror movies as much as you do without having to make some sort of plenty of fish account. Or worrying about being downvoted on reddit.
I mean obviously I'm not having much luck over here in Surrey, all my coworkers are in their 40's, and anyone I meet on the street I am instantly convinced is going to stab me. Unless you count the filipino guy who works at the gas station and sings me show tunes and gets confused when I buy red bull instead of monster.
Not that Oprah isn't enough, she's all a girl can need in a best friend. But she lives in Calgary. And cannot drive here just to watch Friday the 13th movies with me and get drunk.

I've seen far too many crows in the past few weeks and I don't want to risk leaving the house in case of accidental death today.
And also because I'm convinced all my room mates and I are experiencing final destination after a very unfortunate friday night where we all came close to death in different experiences. I almost got stabbed alone on the bus, and the rest almost got in a car accident.
So needless to say, I've been warning everyone of the signs. Watch out for the number 180 and any slight breezes inside the house. Which is quite confusing with the fan on all day. DEATH? No, wait, air conditioning.

I could really use a soda and some ice cream though.....I guess the gas station isn't that far....